the girl I loved has gender and sexual issues, is it worth it or a lost cause?

[crows]

This is exactly what happened dude.... Exactly. It didn't help that she's very immature when it comes to real relationships and how to handle things in life so there were a lot more issues than just the obvious. I don't know if it would be considered mental but definitely immaturity was a big problem with her.

watch the mtv documentary with her dude. is not a joke.

 

[Devil_666]

the girl I loved has gender and sexual issues, is it worth it or a lost cause?

sexually she didn't seem to want me inside of her

 

[crows]

.

 

[fosing]

he/she is still open for buttsex.

keepin hope alive.lolz

 

[Solidus]

I think she's doing him a favor, by not allowing him inside her. Good lord... I can't imagine many guys who'd want it, anyway.

 

[Plastic Bateman]

I get accused of being a ruthless, cold-blooded sociopath quite often, my avatar choice is not exactly coincidental.

With that established: having had a few run-ins with people like this in the past, they're like emotional vampires; I don't mean they're consciously or maliciously trying to hurt and suck the life out of you (well, sometimes they are), but rather having to deal with the whirlwind of emotional and interpersonal drama they drag into your otherwise stable existence will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it - and this infliction of instability seems to fuel and sustain them, geometrically increasing the severity of the emotional turbulence you're sustaining over time.

In my experience wherever and whenever possible it's best to remove them from your life entirely, like cutting out a cancer before it can metastasise. Any good experiences you get from these kinds of people will, sadly, be vastly outweighed by the bad, the negative, the miserable amount of sheer emotional and mental stress you have to cope with from them on an almost-daily basis.

Tl;dr anyone who has you writing lengthy, unbroken paragraphs on a toy collecting forum, regardless of any minor redeeming features they may possess, isn't worth the hit to your sanity. Draw a line under the experience and move on.

 

[crows]

I get accused of being a ruthless, cold-blooded sociopath quite often, my avatar choice is not exactly coincidental.

With that established: having had a few run-ins with people like this in the past, they're like emotional vampires; I don't mean they're consciously or maliciously trying to hurt and suck the life out of you (well, sometimes they are), but rather having to deal with the whirlwind of emotional and interpersonal drama they drag into your otherwise stable existence will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it - and this infliction of instability seems to fuel and sustain them, geometrically increasing the severity of the emotional turbulence you're sustaining over time.

In my experience wherever and whenever possible it's best to remove them from your life entirely, like cutting out a cancer before it can metastasise. Any good experiences you get from these kinds of people will, sadly, be vastly outweighed by the bad, the negative, the miserable amount of sheer emotional and mental stress you have to cope with from them on an almost-daily basis.

Tl;dr anyone who has you writing lengthy, unbroken paragraphs on a toy collecting forum, regardless of any minor redeeming features they may possess, isn't worth the hit to your sanity. Draw a line under the experience and move on.

but he loves her bro.... what about love? what if she is supposed to be his soulmate? lol

 

[Mr. Green]

Well you pretty much nailed it Dekard thanks for the honest and straightforward response. I've been dealing with this hurt for a while now I guess because there were things about her that I really did like and I guess I sense the good in her kind of like Darth Vader ha ha. But in this case I don't think there is any saving her she seems in general like not only unstable but just plain irresponsible when it comes to life. She can't seem to hold a job she's always late for things and like I said I think she's pretty self absorbency because she's a performer and obviously insecure with herself. It's so sad that just a year or so ago she had long beautiful blonde hair with those big blue eyes and that nice laid-back easy-going personality that I liked singing to me when she was in her band which was the coolest thing. But apparently that was all a lie I'm friends with her ex girlfriend Maria and Maria asked her if she was living a lie while she was with me and she said yes she was. So I guess she realize she would rather be with a woman then be with a man who really cared about her. It's just a sad situation and yes you're right I can definitely do better than this weird screwed up chick.

but he loves her bro.... what about love? what if she is supposed to be his soulmate? lol

could be her looks that he can tolerate such problems.....such is love

 

[ShadowX81]

So after spending the past 15 minutes getting up to speed on this thread I just have to ask; why exactly is this girl worth getting hung up on?

I can get having a long lasting infatuation with a pretty girl who allows you just enough hope to ensure you will stick around as the friend she bitches about her day to. Hell, I can even get being trapped in an emotionally unhealthy relationship with a girl who is clearly unstable because the sex is great.

But not only does this girl seem both uninterested and crazy, but there really doesn't seem to be much of a reason for you to stay interested. If you are going to hand over the reigns of your self esteem to a woman, at least have it be one that justifies the heartache.

 

[crows]

So after spending the past 15 minutes getting up to speed on this thread I just have to ask; why exactly is this girl worth getting hung up on?

I can get having a long lasting infatuation with a pretty girl who allows you just enough hope to ensure you will stick around as the friend she bitches about her day to. Hell, I can even get being trapped in an emotionally unhealthy relationship with a girl who is clearly unstable because the sex is great.

But not only does this girl seem both uninterested and crazy, but there really doesn't seem to be much of a reason for you to stay interested. If you are going to hand over the reigns of your self esteem to a woman, at least have it be one that justifies the heartache.

great post i must say.

 

[fosing]

So after spending the past 15 minutes getting up to speed on this thread I just have to ask; why exactly is this girl worth getting hung up on?

I can get having a long lasting infatuation with a pretty girl who allows you just enough hope to ensure you will stick around as the friend she bitches about her day to. Hell, I can even get being trapped in an emotionally unhealthy relationship with a girl who is clearly unstable because the sex is great.

But not only does this girl seem both uninterested and crazy, but there really doesn't seem to be much of a reason for you to stay interested. If you are going to hand over the reigns of your self esteem to a woman, at least have it be one that justifies the heartache.

crazy deserves love too.

 

[Solidus]

So after spending the past 15 minutes getting up to speed on this thread I just have to ask; why exactly is this girl worth getting hung up on?

I can get having a long lasting infatuation with a pretty girl who allows you just enough hope to ensure you will stick around as the friend she bitches about her day to. Hell, I can even get being trapped in an emotionally unhealthy relationship with a girl who is clearly unstable because the sex is great.

But not only does this girl seem both uninterested and crazy, but there really doesn't seem to be much of a reason for you to stay interested. If you are going to hand over the reigns of your self esteem to a woman, at least have it be one that justifies the heartache.

I'm guessing this must be the OP's first girlfriend, ever .

It's true, relationships are built on compromise. But, if a man doesn't have confidence in himself, he'll end up meeting the wrong women, and give them a free pass to hurt and humiliate him, time-after-time. This seems to be a prime example right here.

 

[ZE_501]

So I was scanning the forum before starting work and the thread title caught me...I read your initial post and scanned the rest. Everyone here has given you some pretty good advice, but let me re-iterate for you:

1. Whether or not the person is malicious is a non-issue. There is no potential for healthy interaction here. Whether or not they have "good in them" is irrelevant. Very few people are irredeemable monsters. That's not the issue. The issue is that there are no ingredients here for anything good for you and there won't be.

2. You do not love the person. You are caught in a feedback loop because this person has you stuck in "pursuit/courtship" mode. Just enough intimacy to make you bond, just enough rejection to keep you in pursuit. You are infatuated and confused. Which leads to my next point:

3. "Love" is about reciprocity. It is not about sacrifice and suffering. Sure relationships are work, but they're not about suffering and denial. Without reciprocity you have Stockholm Syndrome, not love. No matter what the potent chemical cocktail of Oxytocin, Dopamine and Testosterone rushing through your body tells you.

When people first get together, there are sometimes trust issues, there is baggage, flight, fear...in short there is drama and excitement. But unless that gets smoothed over in short order to be replaced by trust, reciprocity and mutual effort, you have something toxic.

This person's gender identity issues on their own would be enough to torpedo hopes of a relationship, but in addition they are clearly narcissistic, probably have some other complementary personality disorder...and you are being dishonest.

You are lying to yourself, to the other person and to others if you think your motives are selfless...you undergo pain like this because you are frustrated and you want the object of your pursuit. You're just stubborn and want your toy. This is how people get caught in things like this.

You cannot be friends, you cannot support this person. You are not a parent, you are a rejected suitor and you need to move on from this rejection, which was the best thing that could happen to you, given that this person's issues are capable of robbing months, years, opportunities and joy from your life.

My advice is to sever all ties decisively. You can be civil but you can't be friends, you can't hang out. And you need to work on your own self-esteem and identity issues so this does not happen again, with them or someone else.

I've seen these things a hundred times. In my younger years I had some crazy roller coaster relationships that weren't worth the time or the grief and if I could get that time back I would. Benefit from the experience of everyone who has told you...get as far away from this thing as possible.

Fly you fool...!

Now back to toys. I don't come here for real life, dammit.

 

[Batfreak]

I am definitely completely in agreement with you... This girl is bisexual and bisexuals tend to screw around with peoples hearts because they don't know what they want. At least that's what her ex-girlfriend has told me. When she met her the girls name is Stephanie by the way, Steph told her that she is gender queer or gender fluid which apparently means that you can you're neither a boy or a girl you're not either gender your gender neutral. I honestly can't get my mind around that it's too bizarre if you're born a girl you are a girl if you're born a boy you are a boy. The fat the fact that she is a performer and a pop star impersonator and impersonates both boy characters and grill characters must really screw with her mind. She wanted to role-play one night and dressed up as Justin Bieber I kid you not. And I found out from her previous girlfriend that she does not like being penetrated by men that she isn't really into it. She'll go down on you guys but she does not like being penetrated, I find this to be very very weird and I'm pretty sure she's mostly gay but isn't willing to come out with it yet. Either way it's no longer my problem and as much as it hurts that my mind and heart was royally screwed with I have to let it go and realize that some people are cold and just don't give a damn about your feelings.

 

[mr.thrifty]

You need to quit trying to put her into a box that makes sense to you.... Sounds like she's let you know what's going on with her but instead of listening to what she's saying you're just replacing it with what you want to hear...

Cause from what I've read you have just as many issues as she does....

 

[Batfreak]

You need to quit trying to put her into a box that makes sense to you.... Sounds like she's let you know what's going on with her but instead of listening to what she's saying you're just replacing it with what you want to hear...

Cause from what I've read you have just as many issues as she does....

I certainly do not have any kind of issues like hers but I know what you mean. That is in someway out what I think I was trying to do was trying to keep her at all costs when the fact is she is most likely gay and there's nothing I can do about it. I just became so attached to her emotionally that it became very difficult to let go and so I did everything in my power to keep her even though I knew deep down it was never going to work with someone screwed up like this. My only issue is that I can be very emotional and sometimes I guess I don't know when to back off even when the situation is clearly out of my control. But thankfully I've come out of it at least for the most part and I'm able to move on and realize that a relationship with someone like this would never have worked out. It could've been anybody really.

 

[ZE_501]

I am definitely completely in agreement with you... This girl is bisexual and bisexuals tend to screw around with peoples hearts because they don't know what they want. At least that's what her ex-girlfriend has told me.[...]

The important thing for you is that you're ready to move on from this and that's the single best thing you can do. You don't need any other reason beyond that you can't get any of your needs met in an entanglement like this. The rest is overthinking.

The only thing I'll add is that gender identity and sexual orientation are not what make a person "screw around with people's hearts". Lack of maturity, character, experience and self-awareness make people do that; lack of empathy, lack of a healthy and well-adjusted psyche. But again...don't overthink it. You already know there's nothing good here so get on with your life a little wiser than before. Sometimes "Why" is a trap. "What" is all that matters.

 

[SnakeDoctor]

She's trying to become a dude. And, you're into chicks. Which sounds like a dealbreaker to me. But, even if it weren't ... she's far too psychologically screwed-up to be worth the trouble. She'll end up messing your life up alongside her own.

Never have I heard of a quicker 'pass'. And, that's if she were pursuing you. Which she isn't. I don't hear any upside to this.

There has to be a better girl out there for you. Cut her loose ... and burn the bridge behind you (delete her number from your phone).

SnakeDoc

 

[Sweet Rabbit]

Yeah just walk away

 

[crows]

She's trying to become a dude. And, you're into chicks. Which sounds like a dealbreaker to me. But, even if it weren't ... she's far too psychologically screwed-up to be worth the trouble. She'll end up messing your life up alongside her own.

Never have I heard of a quicker 'pass'. And, that's if she were pursuing you. Which she isn't. I don't hear any upside to this.

There has to be a better girl out there for you. Cut her loose ... and burn the bridge behind you (delete her number from your phone).

SnakeDoc

sounds to me like he is hoping that deep down she will change her mind and marry him at the end, like some sort of sappy movie lol