What's the point of Marriage?

[ProgMatinee]

I always love that argument. Next stop: murdering your neighbor to take his Hot Toys collection. And of course vanishing from this thread, because language and the Internet are man made.

Huh? Not sure I get your drift.

 

[Adoptedscot]

Get married in Canada Scot. We allow same sex marriage here.

Believe me when I say I wish any one who wanted to get married could. It's not fair but tradition is stopping some people from getting married as well. You should be allowed to sign that contract that entitles you to certain things if you so wish.

I'm a firm believer in following your own path and do what makes you happy, if you meet a partner along the way that you love and cherish and want to be with then go for it. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to get married, a piece of paper and a couple of rings (if you have them) doesnt change how you feel.
However I can see the other side,wanting to declare to the world how much you love this person and want to spend your life with them, wanting to share this with the other people in your life that you love, etc but I have only 1 couple to referece as a succesful marriage of 25 years.
All the people I know that have had divorces, some several times over and only 1 success story, thats kinda sad imo.

For me personally I don't believe everyone is destined to be with somebody,some people prefer to be single, some people want to have kids some don't, everyone is different and that is what makes world tick.
Do what is best for you as an individual first and foremost,anything else comes in 2nd place and will happen if it happens,imo anyway.
x

 

[lcummins]

...Wow... you won't believe in God but believe in Luck??? ha ha ha...

Score one for kuzeh!!!

 

[draconian45]

Never get married. I know lots of people who were boyfriend and girlfriend for several years, but as soon as they got married they only lasted a few months. Their problems didn't start until the got married.

 

[ProgMatinee]

Not to take this too sidetracked, but all the people fighting against gay marriage is proof that many people feel marriage is not about contracts and legalise.

If thats truly all marriage was about then people wouldn't feel the need to defend whatever they feel makes it special.

 

[Sick Boy 82]

Not to take this too sidetracked, but all the people fighting against gay marriage is proof that many people feel marriage is not about contracts and legalise.

If thats truly all marriage was about then people wouldn't feel the need to defend whatever they feel makes it special.

Exactly, apparently it's about god.

Don't get me wrong, I think people should be able to do whatever they want. Hell, I encourage it. Gay people should be allowed to get married to be as miserable as everyone else. lol

 

[Mesa]

If I had not met my husband I would not be married...

that's DEEP

 

[Adoptedscot]

Perhaps you would be good enough to find one of these contracts and post it here.

Take for example an engagement ring.
If a guy buys his girl an engagement ring(or vice versa etc), that is given to the acceptee 'in contemplation of marriage' and therefore should the marriage not go ahead, the receiver of the ring is legally obligated to return it. They have no option, if they sell it, they will have to re-imburse the original party.
This is the position of the courts, so if they feel this way about an egagement ring, then they consider a completed marriage would be in the same catagory.Hence why when things(and I say when as they usually do) turn sour, things get bad and everyone wants their original things back aswell as any other things bought during the marriage. Thats why there are so many divorce courts etc.
The ideal situation is as mentioned earlier, seperate bank accounts,pre-nups for example are very highly recommended, even by Judges.
It may sound cold and wierd but it will prevent any ugliness if the marriage does not succeed, and if it does, you never need to use it so whats the harm?
x

 

[barbelith]

If you get divorced, the state can tell you how much you have to pay in child support and how often you can see your kids. They could not legally do this unless the act of a legal marriage binding you , your potential spouse and the state into a legal relationship.

Nonsense. The state does this for unmarried parents all the time.

 

[-Super Hans-]

u get divorced u havent found the right person. too many people rush into this kinda thing.

 

[barbelith]

Just for the record, the US divorce rate is at its lowest level since 1970.

 

[FQRizzo]

Luckily my GF thinks the same exact way as I do.

Not to burst your bubble, but I would bet that given enough time, she will want to get married. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day.

 

[Darth Loki]

Not to burst your bubble, but I would bet that given enough time, she will want to get married. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day.

And for the rest of her life

 

[tomandshell]

Just for the record, the US divorce rate is at its lowest level since 1970.

I think that's because fewer couples are actually getting married. Society no longer expects couples to get married to be in a serious relationship (cohabitation) and many more live together and then go their separate ways, ending the relationship without actually impacting the divorce statistics.

 

[barbelith]

I think that's because fewer couples are actually getting married.

You're right. I think that's a good thing. There's no point in entering a marriage unprepared. I think too many people rush in without any idea what marriage actually is nor the skills to navigate a long-term relationship.

 

[Mesa]

Not to burst your bubble, but I would bet that given enough time, she will want to get married. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day.

IMO/exp, 2-2.5 years in a relationship is the make or break point. If you haven't gotten hitched by then, or at least considered/discussed it, the relationship will end if that is the girl's long time goal/plan.

 

[pixletwin]

You're right. I think that's a good thing. There's no point in entering a marriage unprepared. I think too many people rush in without any idea what marriage actually is nor the skills to navigate a long-term relationship.

Unfortunately many of those same people are having kids too which complicates things when they discover their mistake.

 

[CAhobbit]

IMO/exp, 2-2.5 years in a relationship is the make or break point. If you haven't gotten hitched by then, or at least considered/discussed it, the relationship will end if that is the girl's long time goal/plan.

Perhaps. Of course I've personally known quite a few women who stayed in relationships for far more then 2.5 years who just had the 'hope' that he'd come around someday and want to get married. Of course the men didn't and the women finally moved on after MANY years with them.

My thoughts: If you know that your partner doesn't want to marry and you do...get out of the relationship. Hoping or expecting someone will change their mind seems like a pointless act. Why invest emotionally, financially, etc...in a relationship where there are different goals and mindsets? That never made sense to me.

 

[El Roranous]

Not to burst your bubble, but I would bet that given enough time, she will want to get married. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day.

I really don't think so. If only you knew her.

I kind of find it offensive how people can be so closed minded about this sort of thing. Yes, she is a girl but all girls don't want the same thing right? Do all people want the same thing? Saying that one day she will want to marry is the same as saying one day I will want to marry- if we have both made up our minds already our genders don't matter. Not trying to be mean.

Plus, what's the real point if we have already been living harmoniously for 6 years together?

One thing I do love is how she reacts to babies. She hates them. lol

 

[Wetanut]

Perhaps. Of course I've personally known quite a few women who stayed in relationships for far more then 2.5 years who just had the 'hope' that he'd come around someday and want to get married. Of course the men didn't and the women finally moved on after MANY years with them.

My thoughts: If you know that your partner doesn't want to marry and you do...get out of the relationship. Hoping or expecting someone will change their mind seems like a pointless act. Why invest emotionally, financially, etc...in a relationship where there are different goals and mindsets? That never made sense to me.

Amen! (non-religiously of course)

I don't have the references but, actually, throughout history, marriage was more beneficial to the male. It's only in the relative few hundred years that women had any real legal power. Since some of the posts have been screamingly funny, thought I might poke my nose in just a bit.

I only married my husband of 35 years because he felt the need for the traditional socially-approved method of cohabitation, because he wanted children. I was perfectly happy with the status quo, but despite my love of thumbing my nose at the norm, I had to concede that it was unfair to subject any children we might have to the inevitable judgemental, self-righeous BS that would come their way. And I honestly didn't mind a small concession to his desires by standing in front of a JoP for 3 minutes to make it "legal." I married actually because I respected and admired the man and wanted to join him on whatever journey he was taking. He was my friend, companion, and we treated each other as fellow human beings above everything else. I could see growing old with him -- I wanted to be his LIFE-partner (which I am).

Marriage is not easy....it's work. It's grown-up time with acceptance of responsibility, not only for yourself but also for your partner, and the legal ramifications if not. The sense of "freedom" of discontinuing a cohabitation is misleading and delusional. There are the same emotional traumas with both and splitting of joint property can be just as bad in both. If there are children involved, it's just as much as a nightmare (Palimony). If no emotional trauma on a break-up is experienced, then there was probably not much there to base a real relationship on in the first place I'd think.

If one is viewing relationships based mostly on appearance and frequency of sex (with a strong concern for the sanctity of the paycheck and possessions), then one probably shouldn't get married in the first place. Wrong reasons for marrying and would eventually become unsatisfactory for both sides -- sooner than later. So, for those who choose not to trust anyone else, not to fully share emotionally, and feel the need for "I (or you) can leave anytime I (or you) want because we don't need no stinkin' piece of paper to define or constrain our love for each other", you would be totally right in not marrying. And you should stick to your guns.

And, yes -- women get older, wrinklier, "fatter", and bodies DO go all to hell from childbearing (which the guys had some small involvement in). And newer models (as in cars) are sought by their increasingly dissatisfied male partners. Then these also older, wrinklier, balder, "fatter" guys will find it unfathomable why the young things aren't giving him a serious look.