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Hi everyone. I've been in a sort of bitter hell of late. Just last night I learned we don't lose my dad's income, the sole means of keeping the house, that is now a known good thing, but I am still facing bankruptcy court, tomorrow, and am eating stress pills like M&Ms these days. SInce the death of my Aunt, hell, since my Mom's fall in February, it's been a hard time to focus on all the heads, but I am staying the course no matter what.
I know all you guys get from me is usually bad news, well try living it. It eats your brain daily and to live in the stresses I have for the last few years, is enough to cause some folks to run jump off buildings. I'm not saying I would, but to say my spirits are up would be amiss. ALL I feel is stress. Stress for being late with heads. Stress for being broke and can't mail out what is done. And NO, I don't want freebie money to bail me out when all this is MY problem and I need to fix it! I NEED to.
Once I get past tomorrow, and God knows I need to, it is my plan to regroup and finish all these heads and send them all out, and be done with it all for a long time. I just can't keep oweing someone something. It has taken over my life. EVERY DAY all I can think about is what I need to finish, and who I have let down by making them wait, and how I didn't set out to do any of this, and how I have been powerless to affect it all for so long.
I am not powerless, but there are days I feel like I am.

It's been the WORST period of my life, bar none. No comparison. I have considered rash resolutions on days that I couldn't see well enough to paint anything. I have tried to jumpstart my paintwork in a dozen different ways. Painting on canvas again for the first time in nearly 23 years produced a bleak image of a rundown lighthouse on a bleary beach under a cloudy sky. NOT the stuff to sell. Was it a place I wish I was instead of here? (There are days ANYWHERE would be better than here!) Or is it a window into my bleary mind of late?
Not sure. But I don't like it!

It's not ME. I am a guy that can paint life into anything I choose, and because of a couple of year's bad luck, I am wallowing again in self pity, and am so damn tired of it!
I am committed to fighting my way back. I lost 35 pounds from December to June/July, and in weeks, gained about ten of it back.

From my perspective, there has been no direction to look that had any fun in it. None. I used to see fun in this, and in so many things. Lately, all I have seen and felt was guilt. Guilt eats your brain. Slowly, inexorably, it eats your soul. I MUST get past that and find the fun in this again. YOU guys deserve that. It's what I promised each and every one of you.

It's hard to see others here having so much fun. It is. All I feel from time to time is how I must do work that I have to fight to feel anything for. I can see works here that others do that have spirit in them! What Seb does for instance. LIFE! Spriit! FUN!
I had that. It's what you all wanted of me.
I lost some of it for a while, but I am fighting my way back again.

I have a plan. It's simple. I need to refresh my life, clean up this sole living space I call a room, in a house that is not mine, and rethink and restart and FINISH ALL THIS!

I have to finish it. I can't do as some others might have done, and let it all go and not finish. Nope. That is not an option for me. I might as well be dead if that were the answer. Then again, I don't have a wife, or kids, or a job, or my own home, a lot of things others have that might take them from this kind of commitment. But I do have a promise. I made it to each and every one of you I owe.
THAT keeps me alive. Seriously. You all have no idea.
I used to be great. Lauded. Appreciated. Now, I am practically forgotten but by those that are tired and await my late works.
Still, I AM STILL HERE! I am not in hiding (couldn't hide if I wanted to! Lol!) and I am still committed (or should maybe be committed! lol!) BUT I AM STILL HERE!

I WILL SHOW WORK AGAIN. And it will be what you all paid for. I will not let my work down, nor will I let you down.

So, forgive my rant. I do that here from time to time. It's almost all I have these days. I face a lot of personally scary stuff daily it seems. But, I am not surrendering.

I am actually very grateful to all of you. Some of you bought my mom a chair she can sit in again, thanks to therapy. To you I am forever in debt. Some of you still are patient with me. Most. All really. Again, I am in your debt.

Forgive an old painter that had visions of a mountaintop he almost reached, but lost sight of due to life events that he didn't see coming. And forgive an old painter for being less young, with less verve that he used to have. And just know, I still feel a love for this place. I can't help it. You all made me who I was. Who I hope to be once more.

Look for new stuff soon. Really. I promise. It's all so close to being done! LOL! So, hang tight, and thanks. Thanks for letting me rant again. I just needed to say that.

Les

PS: I picked the Black Knight avatar since I now, for the first time in my life maybe, truly appreciate him. I am that guy! I swear, I can't quit. He didn't, armless and legless, and neither will I! Now, how he fights I have no idea!

Oh, and all head soon! Jokers of course as well. There is just a LOT of it all to finish.
 
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Hey there old buddy!

Your words really touched me my friend.
I've not much to say to try and help you, other than I'm here for you and if ever there is anything I can do to help, please do not hesitate for one instant in letting me know.
 
Sometimes we feel like we got ourselves in a mess and a little, very obstinate voice, says that is it our duty, our obligation to get out of it by ourselves. Lord knows I've felt like that, because it is a part of the way I am. Not wanting to rely on anyone else but myself and preferring to shoulder burdens that are not meant to be carried by one man all by myself.
It's taken me a lot of years and a lot of heartache to realize that it's ok to ask for and accept help.

You don't have to do it all by yourself Les. I know many of us would gladly lend you a hand. Accepting help (be it of any kind) is also accepting the love and friendship of those who are your friends.

I know it's not just simple pride, but a duty one feels towards oneself, but that obstinate sense of duty can lead to very lonely places and very lonely thoughts.

I'm here for you man.
 
Hi Les. By now I think we both know how we feel and I know we've talked many times before about everything. I have stress and anxiety and even a little depression in my life from time to time. But I know it's not even close to what you're feeling and going through now. I'll say it again, and I know you know this. I'm here for you my friend! I've "got your back". Your work has NEVER been "sub-par" or suffered, or not been up to my expectations!

BatmanReturnscloseup.jpg



I have always held you in the highest esteem since I first saw your work online years ago. You always "bring it"! :wave

DSC01355.jpg


Your work speaks for itself!

High quality works, that that guys at Sideshow and Hot Toys should pay attention to...and hire you! Your painting skills are as good, if not better than Hot Toys, or any other artist of the 1:6 scale that I've seen. :) I have always aspired in my painting to your work. I've always looked up to you as a person of great character, with a big heart who REALLY cares! If you didn't you would have disappeared from this board a long time ago. But you didn't. As you said...you're still here. I for one, appreciate that! I know many other people here do too.

Life always throws us a "curve ball". It is never what you expect. It's hard to prepare for something you can't see coming your way. Be it financial problems, health problems and so on. But it is always a relief to know that you have a support system in family and friends that will always care about you, and support you no matter what.

I'm one of those people Les. :wave I've been here for you on this board for 3 years and counting. I consider you a true friend even though we haven't met in person...yet. But we will someday. I know it. :)

Stay strong Les. I know it's VERY hard right now. I pray for you all the time. I believe in God, and even though it doesn't seem like it right now, he cares for you. He cares and loves all of us. I'm not ashamed to say I'm a Christian. I know God has a plan for all of our lives here. I think part of yours is your incredible skills that he gave you with a paintbrush.

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I look forward to seeing your upcoming projects you're working on now. Including my Christopher Reeve Superman 1:6 scale figure! :yess: My Clark Kent isn't too sure about that old 1978 MEGO Superman standing next to him now. "Hey, aren't you supposed to look more like me"? :wink1:

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"V.B.R." Les!

Mike
 
My dear friend,

You are STILL highly esteemed. There is no painter here who has achieved the level of respect and justifiable awe that you have garnered here. I still stand in awe of your 1939 Batman figures, and your work on all these little things of ours. My shelves are teeming with my own work, but the thing that still gets the most attention is that wonderful. wonderful Joker you made. Your work is the bar by which I set my own standard.

Your post reminds me of myself last year. Seven months unemployed, with a pregnant girlfriend, an angry not-quite-ex-wife (we were three years separated by the time my gf and I met) and bills piling up beyond the possibility of redemption. I moved from a beautiful Manhattan apartment to a single bedroom in someone else's house in a dodgy part of Brooklyn.

To say my paintwork suffered is a major understatement. A lot of my clientele dropped off, and I found myself selling off a lot of the custom work I had made for myself in order to pay rent.

Without the love and support, often the monetary support, of friends and family, I would never have recovered.

I have gone from destitute to merely struggling, but if there is anything I can do to help, Les, my friend, I hope you will let me know.

I know we do not talk on the phone much, and that we lead very different lives across a very different part of the country, but as much as I can be, I am here for you. The love and support I have received must be repaid. It would be an honor, a mitzvah, for me to be able to help.

I am not a believer, so I cannot offer blessings, but I can offer good thoughts, warm feeling, and my most heartfelt belief that you are on a path of recovery. Live, my friend. Breathe deep. You are valued and loved.
 
Always like to check this thread to see what your up to and if you have any new works up.
I heard of you originally from a you tube review uscmhicks made on your hicks head and paintjob.
I was already into collecting aliens and predators but from that video and his passion for your work (truly diserveed) I joined this site to discover more.
Since then I have got the bug for customizing and collecting even more so you are partially responsible for that (don't know whether to thank you or not) :)
Seriouly though mate I have suffered from depression alot myself and know its hard not to let life get on top, but sometimes it is an uphill struggle.
I know your not looking for sympathy either and love your new avatar:)
"I'll bite your legs off" lmao:)
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Am struggling money wise myself at the moment but am going to be selling alot of unwanted stuff so that will change soon and would love to own one of your pieces if you are thinking of selling any.

Will give you a fair price, not looking to kick a man when he's down or struggling.
I love your clouseau, if you wanted to sell him I would rip your arm off (if you had any left) .
Take care mate and heres my motto in life.
Illegitimi non carborundum

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illegitimi_non_carborundum
 
My dear friend,

You are STILL highly esteemed. There is no painter here who has achieved the level of respect and justifiable awe that you have garnered here. I still stand in awe of your 1939 Batman figures, and your work on all these little things of ours. My shelves are teeming with my own work, but the thing that still gets the most attention is that wonderful. wonderful Joker you made. Your work is the bar by which I set my own standard.

Your post reminds me of myself last year. Seven months unemployed, with a pregnant girlfriend, an angry not-quite-ex-wife (we were three years separated by the time my gf and I met) and bills piling up beyond the possibility of redemption. I moved from a beautiful Manhattan apartment to a single bedroom in someone else's house in a dodgy part of Brooklyn.

To say my paintwork suffered is a major understatement. A lot of my clientele dropped off, and I found myself selling off a lot of the custom work I had made for myself in order to pay rent.

Without the love and support, often the monetary support, of friends and family, I would never have recovered.

I have gone from destitute to merely struggling, but if there is anything I can do to help, Les, my friend, I hope you will let me know.

I know we do not talk on the phone much, and that we lead very different lives across a very different part of the country, but as much as I can be, I am here for you. The love and support I have received must be repaid. It would be an honor, a mitzvah, for me to be able to help.

I am not a believer, so I cannot offer blessings, but I can offer good thoughts, warm feeling, and my most heartfelt belief that you are on a path of recovery. Live, my friend. Breathe deep. You are valued and loved.

Great post Mikey :duff

And keep trucking Les... you are, and will always be "the man" :lecture
 
architect! you are a legend my friend. dont ever think for 1 second that you are not. i am honored as hell to have many of your works right here staring at me like real life people. looking forward to more from you :) i am also honored as hell to call you my friend. you are one classy, professional human being. to come on here and tell it just as it is. and STILL complete everything you promised? says a lot about you. everyday is another day closer to the end of your nightmare. so keep on fighting man. always remember i am here for anything you need. much love.

"you still havent given up on me alfred"
"never"
 
Keep hanging in there Les! Things will get better eventually. You have a lot of friends on here that care about you! :)
 
Thanks for the update, Les - hang in there! Health and peace of mind must always come first. Be well, sir.
 
Hey Les. It was great seeing the other day on facebook about your parent's 50th wedding anniversary! :clap Wow, that is a landmark anniversary! I am very happy for them, and for you. I hope things are going better for you now. I hope too that you've been able to get back into painting now. I look forward to your update here. Plus my...e-mail...from you someday soon. :wink1:

Take care Les! :wave
 
Very kind of you Mike. As always, you are one of the nicest guys I have met, online and otherwise. Thanks.

It was indeed a great day. One of the few good ones I have had lately.

Update.
OK. I am still in the midst of the bankruptcy. I thought my one day in court would do it, but seems the woman that oversees it all, had some issues with my details, so it all got prolonged into next week. I hadn't said anything before now, because to be honest it made me REALLY MAD! I don't think I have ever been so angry. Three years of frustrations nearly came out of me, in court, under oath, so glad I didn't do that. I stayed calm, left and am hoping it all gets worked out.

Anyway, after a day of extreme anger, and feeling mad I had no effect on the direction of my life, I realized something I had thought of in April of 2008, just before my Mom's troubles sent me and my family into the spiral that has affected me to this day, I realized I was so unorganized, and needed to CLEAN and shape up my workspace (room, abode, place I am trapped until I can climb out of this hell...)
So, since the next day, I have been cleaning. ALL DAY. Every day. I am almost done. I have organized work in a manner that is so obvious, that I fault myself for not thinking of it sooner. Instead of EVERYTHING all around me, all the time, pulling at me at the same time, with the same importance (because I do see it all as important), I have cleaned it all up, bought some new storage shelving units, organized them all in waves of dudes, you guys, and sets, Jokers, etc., and am going to attack, (operative word here) each one until set by set is done, and gone. I won't pull a set out until some are done and shipped.

ALL my money is gone (bankruptcy is NOT cheap! But working on the money situation as I can), so shipping will be slow, but not all is finished anyway. I need to regroup all that and keep moving it out. It can happen now. I even have new blinds over my windows, and a clean sense of workspace now. Man, it feels good! I have needed to do this for two and a half years! It's part of what screwed me up in the first place, but I was too overwhelmed to see it.

So, after next Tuesday (D-Day #2) regardless of the outcome, I will be hitting the shipouts as fast as I can, with updates to each person shipped to.
I do not want extra monies here. I feel you all have spent enough. I know you want stuff expedited, but to keep it all from snowballing beyond my ability to organize again, let me send you the info, and the stuff. First up will be some of the single owner sets. NOT all the Jokers and loose heads can go first. Some have waited longer. I want them out first. THEN, as I send out sets, info will accompany each shipout. It's the only way I can do it without help or a secretary to answer each and every email and Pm. Let me send it out, to you. I promise stuff will flow.

Maz, and Damian, and Gruff, and Reiny, you guys, all look for stuff soon. Heads only guys, stuff will come soon. Preds guys, soon. All are in progress, but I can't finish all this at the same time. One guy here, doing all he can. Just know, it's coming.

Good news, amidst all the cleaning, I have boxed up over half my collection. Boxed and out. Feels great. if I had the Detolfs, maybe not, but til then, out of here! So, all my sets are diminished for a time. Boxed and stored. Feels great. On to your stuff again, which feels great. Just did a custom figure again for the first time in ages. Felt great! So, it's still in there.

In the midst of moving stuff, I did set up one set I have never shared before. Finished them long ago but was not inclined to share much. Haven't felt like sharing much lately at all, but now that work is flowing better again, I think it's time. Pics will come soon. Anyway, I want to thank a member here for some heads he did for me WAY back, in the worst of times in 08, my 20,000 Leagues guys.
Spencer sculpted a set of Peter Lorre and Paul Lukas for my set, and I got the figures made sometime in 09. I just got nametags from Evilface for them, and I am so glad to have ONE SET done in my collection. Well, short details on the diver Nemo. Nemo got a new suit from the new Dragon German admiral, and Ned was done long ago. Vikki did me a shirt I haven't changed out yet.

Anyway, here they are, a set you won't see every day...the cast, and pet seal Esmerelda, and even the Nautilus and the Giant Squid, from one of my all-time favorite movies, Disney's epic 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

The set:
LeaguesSet001.jpg


Better look at Spencer's headsculpts (Ned was a Dragon reworked, and Nemo was a GI Joe Robert E Lee reworked)

LeaguesSet002.jpg



Thanks Evil!
And THANK YOU SPENCER! You rock! :rock

Oh, and Chase, the fires are lit! :rock
 
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That's a GREAT looking cast set of figure from 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea Les! It's one of my classic favorite Disney movies too! :clap

I'm really sorry to hear about your difficulties in court the other day. I will keep praying and hoping for you that things improve, and you're able to find some peace. I've got to clean up around here too. My toy collection room is coming together, but still very cluttered. I've got to work on it soon...again.
 
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