Ahh, the rejection!

[Sachiel]

well, i didn't bother.

too many words.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Vader AL]

I thought MeatHook's post was actually really well thoughtout and written - and gives a great piece of advice about how people (USUALLY women in this case, but that's more because of societal impressions than actual FACT) can twist actions as if you've done something wrong or MORE wrong than they have.

Case in point: I have a good friend who moved to Florida some years ago for a job. He became friends with his boss, they went out drinking, etc, and friends with the boss's wife. The idiot (he's a friend, I feel ok saying that) ended up sleeping with his boss's wife, and the boss found out. Now, the reality is that they were both responsible. But the wife didn't want to fess up, and claimed rape, that he drugged her. I to this day have no idea what she pulled out in front of the jury to make it stick, but he ended up in jail for several years. I believe him - the guy's like a brother to me - but even if it doesn't get that nuts, man, you could quickly find yourself with lawsuits, restraining orders, the works. Never had that problem personally, but I could see it happening VERY easily.

Nope, it's fact. I've done a lot of research.

 

[crows]

Women run off of emotion, men run off of logic.....emotion is erratic, logic is consistent.

.... eh...........

 

[Wanderer]

So I was talking with this woman online. We met Thursday and hit it off like really well, makeout well. We messaged each other a bunch! We went to a baseball game on Saturday. She was talking about things she wanted to do with me during the summer like traveling and camping. We were supposed to go to dinner on Wednesday.
Today she messages me and says she's not ready. Says she needs someone adventurous and daring, whatever that means.
Man I feel bummed.

sorry but ...

 

[devilof76]

He wasn't including effeminate men.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Darth Cruel]

.... eh...........

You just finally acquird some man-card redemption points. Don't blow it now.

 

[The Ween]

Women run off of emotion, men run off of logic.....emotion is erratic, logic is consistent.

 

[devilof76]

You can call it logic all you want.

 

[The Ween]

I'm sorry to say, but it's no wonder so many have trouble dating or have problems keeping a relationship. Much like you can't raise a child by reading a book, you can't do it with relationships either, and some are reading too many relationship books.

 

[Sweet Rabbit]

I'm sorry to say, but it's no wonder so many have trouble dating or have problems keeping a relationship. Much like you can't raise a child by reading a book, you can't do it with relationships either, and some are reading too many relationship books.

that's the problem...women read those retarded relationship self help books and over think when they have it good with a guy

 

[The Ween]

that's the problem...women read those retarded relationship self help books and over think when they have it good with a guy

And a few on here are reading too much as well, and they ain't women.

Just be yourself and let it happen. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't suppose to. Don't over think things or you'll drive yourself crazy. No two people are alike. A book or articles online won't help you.

 

[The Ween]

You can call it logic all you want.

Are pen ises logical?

 

[Frank]

In this day and age, we're all messed up. Seeing how handily a guy can get his *** handed to him if a relationship sours, it's good to be able to see through the average siren song.

 

[CriterionCollector]

Oh! I was also told I was "vanilla". I was in college, working full time and practicing judo up until a year ago. Obviously I'm not going to have much chance to go out and be "adventurous and daring."
Why do people feel that relationships are supposed to be all about entertainment? If you need that watch tv or go to a sporting event. That's not what I'm in it for.

 

[devilof76]

Are pen ises logical?

And smart.

 

[Boba Ben]

Don't feel bad, man. I've been super rejected by every woman I've taken a chance with. The right one for you will come along soon.

 

[CriterionCollector]

I'm not feeling as down as I was the other day. Now I'm just like WTF!
Fvck that!

 

[The Ween]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss here.

It's unfortunate to say, although as I get older, I find it to be truer and truer, is that there is a wide double standard when it comes to the grieving process. Every romantic interaction has some level of grieving associated with it when it ends IMHO. From people who have met for one day to a "Well, that sucks" and a shrug of the shoulders to people who spent a lifetime together and the widow or widower takes years to sort of find their path again. Obviously the level of "commitment" action or talk can accelerate those back end feelings.

She made a lot of "future" comments and you probably did too and that probably made the entire process worst. Unfulfilled potential is unpleasant, but unfulfilled potential across a spectrum is infinitely worse. I think a lot of people mistake the length of interaction to be completely related to the level of investment made by a person. Some people pour a lot of themselves into one place in a short amount of time.

The double standard is when women deal with grief, society and our culture and her peers are tolerant. They tell her everything will be ok, they will look to validate her feelings, many will listen to her. There are many avenues of discussion and support available. But if you are a guy dealing with your grief? Unless you had a dead child in play, then society expects you to shut up, suck it up and deal with it.

Best answer I can give you is to grieve in your own way and let it run it's course. Some people process it fast, some slow, everyone is different. It's healthy to to just take the time to let it run it's course. The thing is, unfortunately, is you are going to have to do it in private. You are going to have to learn to compartmentalize it and deal with it in a specific time and places, often from public view or knowledge. Don't expect any empathy from people, society, your ex or your coworkers. Any sign of public weakness to many will often be held against you, often forever. Fair or unfair, it doesn't really matter, it's the hand that all men are basically dealt.

Unfortunately we live in a day and age of high liability, so for your own best legal interests, I'd advise you to simply cease all contact with this person. Every call you make, every email, every interaction, is something that can be documented, cataloged, possibly reinterpreted or manipulated and later held against you. When pressed by their friends or their husbands or boyfriends ( lots of women, sadly too, don't share that tiny detail), it doesn't take much for a woman to say you choked her, pushed her against a wall, threatened her, beat her, raped her, intimidated her, stalked her, etc, etc. Our society is set up that you are guilty as soon as you are accused, the truth is inconsequential, perception is all that matters. Some women will push this angle because they truly are victims, some will push it because they like attention, some will use it to deflect feeling badly about their choices, some will do it because they are simply nuts. The here and why is less important than this one distinction - in any male/female interaction that goes south, the western law and legal system will decidedly work to the males disfavor consistently across the board. They, women, have the right to choose and cease interaction. And that's ok. Men, to their interests, have a right to find the avenue to best legally protect themselves. I think that's only fair as well.

I'm a big believer in giving people ultimately what they want in the end, after you've found your way through your grieving. If they want you out of their life, then proceed to make yourself a person completely out of their life. You don't want to know what they are doing or up to, and you don't want them knowing what you are doing and up to in life. Just live a good life and treat yourself well. And if you happen to run into them in the future in town, then don't make it a point to avoid them, but don't make it a point to talk to them. If they approach you, simply wish them the very best in all things and thank them and then keep walking.

Whatever answers you are looking for, you won't likely find them. The only "cure" is simply time. Time heals all wounds, well most of them and for the most part. You just have to do it in silence. I always find it amusing when most men don't emote anything and many women in real life and on TV/movies are baffled by it, without considering a lifetime of conditioning and the harsh punishment our society, particularly women, dishes out to any type of perceived weakness in any male at any time.

I'd rethink also whether this community is the best place to release part of your grief. There are a lot of good people on this site, but in general, it can be a pretty hostile place for the sake of being hostile. There are probably other websites or boards more in tune to this kind of topic and other people going through the same thing who can help support each other.

Again, for what it's worth, I'm genuinely sorry for your loss.

There's an old saying in my family, and you can take it however you want to but it's fitting for you...

Go **** a meat hook* with a bell on it.


Actually, this is suppose to be AXE, but I changed it just for you.

You're welcome.

 

[CAhobbit]

Well, I'm sorry for your loss here.

It's unfortunate to say, although as I get older, I find it to be truer and truer, is that there is a wide double standard when it comes to the grieving process. Every romantic interaction has some level of grieving associated with it when it ends IMHO. From people who have met for one day to a "Well, that sucks" and a shrug of the shoulders to people who spent a lifetime together and the widow or widower takes years to sort of find their path again. Obviously the level of "commitment" action or talk can accelerate those back end feelings.

She made a lot of "future" comments and you probably did too and that probably made the entire process worst. Unfulfilled potential is unpleasant, but unfulfilled potential across a spectrum is infinitely worse. I think a lot of people mistake the length of interaction to be completely related to the level of investment made by a person. Some people pour a lot of themselves into one place in a short amount of time.

The double standard is when women deal with grief, society and our culture and her peers are tolerant. They tell her everything will be ok, they will look to validate her feelings, many will listen to her. There are many avenues of discussion and support available. But if you are a guy dealing with your grief? Unless you had a dead child in play, then society expects you to shut up, suck it up and deal with it.

Best answer I can give you is to grieve in your own way and let it run it's course. Some people process it fast, some slow, everyone is different. It's healthy to to just take the time to let it run it's course. The thing is, unfortunately, is you are going to have to do it in private. You are going to have to learn to compartmentalize it and deal with it in a specific time and places, often from public view or knowledge. Don't expect any empathy from people, society, your ex or your coworkers. Any sign of public weakness to many will often be held against you, often forever. Fair or unfair, it doesn't really matter, it's the hand that all men are basically dealt.

Unfortunately we live in a day and age of high liability, so for your own best legal interests, I'd advise you to simply cease all contact with this person. Every call you make, every email, every interaction, is something that can be documented, cataloged, possibly reinterpreted or manipulated and later held against you. When pressed by their friends or their husbands or boyfriends ( lots of women, sadly too, don't share that tiny detail), it doesn't take much for a woman to say you choked her, pushed her against a wall, threatened her, beat her, raped her, intimidated her, stalked her, etc, etc. Our society is set up that you are guilty as soon as you are accused, the truth is inconsequential, perception is all that matters. Some women will push this angle because they truly are victims, some will push it because they like attention, some will use it to deflect feeling badly about their choices, some will do it because they are simply nuts. The here and why is less important than this one distinction - in any male/female interaction that goes south, the western law and legal system will decidedly work to the males disfavor consistently across the board. They, women, have the right to choose and cease interaction. And that's ok. Men, to their interests, have a right to find the avenue to best legally protect themselves. I think that's only fair as well.

I'm a big believer in giving people ultimately what they want in the end, after you've found your way through your grieving. If they want you out of their life, then proceed to make yourself a person completely out of their life. You don't want to know what they are doing or up to, and you don't want them knowing what you are doing and up to in life. Just live a good life and treat yourself well. And if you happen to run into them in the future in town, then don't make it a point to avoid them, but don't make it a point to talk to them. If they approach you, simply wish them the very best in all things and thank them and then keep walking.

Whatever answers you are looking for, you won't likely find them. The only "cure" is simply time. Time heals all wounds, well most of them and for the most part. You just have to do it in silence. I always find it amusing when most men don't emote anything and many women in real life and on TV/movies are baffled by it, without considering a lifetime of conditioning and the harsh punishment our society, particularly women, dishes out to any type of perceived weakness in any male at any time.

I'd rethink also whether this community is the best place to release part of your grief. There are a lot of good people on this site, but in general, it can be a pretty hostile place for the sake of being hostile. There are probably other websites or boards more in tune to this kind of topic and other people going through the same thing who can help support each other.

Again, for what it's worth, I'm genuinely sorry for your loss.

Didn't they only know each other for less than a month? I'm so confused since this post seems to imply (or at least you think) the original poster was in a very serious relationship that suddenly came to an end.

So in the end the original posters loss is really minimal. Yes, being rejected is awful (no matter what the stage is) but getting over what happened will be easier than if he'd come out of something much more serious. It sounds like she is most likely getting over another relationship, was dating someone else at the same time and chose that fella, or just wasn't interested in pursuing anything with CC. It happens in the dating game.

As a female I can tell ya that dating as a female is just as annoying and frustrating as it can be for males but for most, eventually you can find the right person to connect with. It just may take a while...and you may have to go through a heck of a lot of 'meh' to get to 'yay'! Good luck, CC!!!! Don't give up!

 

[Vader AL]

Are pen ises logical?

I meant when guys think with the other head because they actually like the woman.