ShadowX81
Super Freak
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2010
- Messages
- 4,453
- Reaction score
- 228
So I’ve just finished having a roughly two hour debate with a friend of mine, neither of us has reached a consensus on this topic. I thought I’d see what opinions you all have.
So the scenario is that there is this girl at work that I am very interested in. While we have a lot in common and I do think we would be good together, the both of us have gotten the idea that she does not reciprocate at this time. Therefore, for the past couple months I have taken a step back from pursuing her and instead have tried to work on self-improvement. I’ve been working out more, becoming more well read, making an effort to branch out socially, and actively pursuing some new hobbies which I’ve been procrastinating for a while. Therefore in a couple months I can come back as an improved version of myself and hopefully have a better shot at her. This launched us into a heated debate about the level of flexibility in self-identity.
His point was that you can’t live your life for other people. That social relationships are not a list of requirements that you check off tally marks next to. They are organic things with millions of unpredictable variables which you can’t quantify. It’s not something which you can plan or strategize. Those relationships that will work happen naturally on their own, and if it doesn’t, odds are it wasn’t meant to be. You need to live your life the way that you want to, and any attempt to change for the sake of fulfilling other people’s desires is ultimately not being true to yourself.
My point was that ultimately our identities are constantly changing anyways, and that how much we steer the course of that growth determines how well we are in a position to achieve our goals. In the end, your entire worth in life is determined by how well you can fulfill the various roles people need you to play (as a friend, romantic partner, employee, etc.). Human relationships may have many variables, but ultimately there are certain people who are better fits for you than others, and by self-improvement you can shape yourself into someone who is potentially a better fit for someone than you would have been previously.
There are better hypothetical versions of ourselves that are in a greater position to achieve our goals than we are currently, and there is nothing inherently wrong or self-contradictory in strengthening the areas of our life that would allow us to be this person. When I went thorough ROTC in college so I could get my job as a military officer was I not being true to myself? It did dramatically change me. Then why am I not being true to myself by improving my life to the point where I could have a better chance of dating this girl? I’m not doing anything contradictory to who I am or changing my identity. I honestly would not be putting in this much work if I didn’t already think that we would be a good match. And if things still don’t work out with her, im still left a better person in the end for the effort I’ve put in.
While I still stick to my position, il admit that he does raise some good points. What do you guys think?
So the scenario is that there is this girl at work that I am very interested in. While we have a lot in common and I do think we would be good together, the both of us have gotten the idea that she does not reciprocate at this time. Therefore, for the past couple months I have taken a step back from pursuing her and instead have tried to work on self-improvement. I’ve been working out more, becoming more well read, making an effort to branch out socially, and actively pursuing some new hobbies which I’ve been procrastinating for a while. Therefore in a couple months I can come back as an improved version of myself and hopefully have a better shot at her. This launched us into a heated debate about the level of flexibility in self-identity.
His point was that you can’t live your life for other people. That social relationships are not a list of requirements that you check off tally marks next to. They are organic things with millions of unpredictable variables which you can’t quantify. It’s not something which you can plan or strategize. Those relationships that will work happen naturally on their own, and if it doesn’t, odds are it wasn’t meant to be. You need to live your life the way that you want to, and any attempt to change for the sake of fulfilling other people’s desires is ultimately not being true to yourself.
My point was that ultimately our identities are constantly changing anyways, and that how much we steer the course of that growth determines how well we are in a position to achieve our goals. In the end, your entire worth in life is determined by how well you can fulfill the various roles people need you to play (as a friend, romantic partner, employee, etc.). Human relationships may have many variables, but ultimately there are certain people who are better fits for you than others, and by self-improvement you can shape yourself into someone who is potentially a better fit for someone than you would have been previously.
There are better hypothetical versions of ourselves that are in a greater position to achieve our goals than we are currently, and there is nothing inherently wrong or self-contradictory in strengthening the areas of our life that would allow us to be this person. When I went thorough ROTC in college so I could get my job as a military officer was I not being true to myself? It did dramatically change me. Then why am I not being true to myself by improving my life to the point where I could have a better chance of dating this girl? I’m not doing anything contradictory to who I am or changing my identity. I honestly would not be putting in this much work if I didn’t already think that we would be a good match. And if things still don’t work out with her, im still left a better person in the end for the effort I’ve put in.
While I still stick to my position, il admit that he does raise some good points. What do you guys think?