Whiplash Mark II/Relationship Advice

[YankeesFanboy]

maz wins Post of the Thread.

 

[weaponslayer]

Well as pretty much everybody has said here, It's nice that she can see herself with you having a future together but due to her age, I don't think she's mature enough to see that life isn't all that simple and just because her parents got divorced, it doesn't mean that she'll follow the pattern (at least not consciously). Do call her up (although I have to admit that you did nothing wrong but lets face it, with most woman you'll have to initiate contact), and talk seriously about how you have control on your finances and most importantly what this means to you. NOBODY should be forced to change to meet somebody else's expectations. A relationship is about meeting halfway and cherishing the quirkiness of each other, not submitting to a stereotypical ideal of a 50's marriage with a white picket fence.

I got lucky and thankfully my girlfriend enjoys my collecting and its something we can talk about and enjoy together just as much as I enjoy sharing her hobbies too. If she can't see this well then, I would maybe let her pass and hopefully with time she might mature or you might find somebody else.

BTW, in my opinion her greatest fault wasn't being scared in the moment, but applying the stupid "silent treatment" for no legitimate reason. If she's that flaky for such a small issue boy does she have a lot coming to her in life.

And please don't ever mention this thread to her because she will probably ditch right there and then haha.

Good luck!

 

[Mugatu]

 

[Wor-Gar]

Looking for some relationship advice that maybe some collectors who are experiencing or have already gone through what I currently am going through.

I don’t even know where to begin so I’ll just give you the basics. I have been seeing my girlfriend for about 3 months now (officially one month). She’s 22 beautiful and has a really cool personality, can pretty much talk to her about anything.

Anyways, she comes over to my place yesterday (first time) to watch the US vs Japan World Cup Championship. Things are going great and we were had a really good time. After the match she asks for a “tour” which implies seeing my bedroom. So I’m thinking everything is going great and as soon as she walks in my bedroom she sees my Iron Whiplash Mark II and walks directly to it asking allll kinds of questions. What is it, Where did I get this, Who made it, (she knew it was from Iron Man) she was verrrry interested.

And then, she asks how much it was.

This is hobby is something I rarely talk about with friends and family because few people understand it. Everyone thinks they are amazing, high quality detailed figures…..but when I let them know the price-they can’t believe it.

So I kind of begin to panic, not really wanting to reveal the cost of each figure.

I ask her how much she thinks it was.

She literally has no idea, and guesses $50!

Soon after, I told her the retail price.

She didn’t believe me. And starts to laugh. So she asks again.

And I say the same price.

She became very quiet and went back into the living room and sits down. I could tell she was shocked.

At this point, I began to worry, but tried my best to act like everything is fine. So I asked her if she feels like going to IHOP.

She says no-and that we needed to talk. I tried my best to act like I didn’t know about what. But I knew….I knew.

This is when she let me know that if we are going to be together and if we had any future together we would need to watch our finances and that her parents fought a lot about money causing them to end their marriage. And asked if I was going to buy anymore of these figures. (This morning I just ordered early processed my Mark VII Stealth and have a Mark III coming with one flexpay left-not to mention my Mark 1 currently boxed up LOL)

So I said, look I think you’re overreacting and I am not financially irresponsible and have my finances in order. Also, maybe she is thinking too far ahead and too much into this situation. And tell her lets go get some dinner and that would make everything better.

She finally agreed, but I could tell it was still on her mind the rest of the night.

I haven’t heard from her since last night. And she always texts/facebooks me something in the morning or by the afternoon. I’m thinking she is either upset or scared about the whole situation. And can’t stop thinking about her now and feel kind of bad for charging my Stealth Version now.

Anyways I’m not texting/calling her until she contacts me. I don’t appreciate the way she handled the situation. We barely know each other and I feel like she waaaayyyy overreacted. If we were married or engaged I could see her having this talk with me. But I’m in charge of my own finances. To be honest, I really don’t think it’s none of her business and this could be an inidicator of things to come.

But then I started thinking, I really like this girl! I could see myself ending up with her and I know loving someone takes sacrifice. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her all day.

I still haven’t figure out what to do. I'm going to give a couple of days.

So my question to you collectors out there is
-How would you handle this?
- Am I the one over reacting?
- Have you been in a similar situation?
- How do you and your significant other handle expenses when it comes to collectibles?
-What's your take?

Funniest thing I've read in months.

This sounds like a scene in a Judd Apatow movie.


Advice:

ON HER: she's way too serious after one month of real dating. What is she, 12? She must be hot is all.

ON YOU: But you my friend are going to get this a lot when you tell girls what you spend hundreds of dollars on, so get used to it... or put your toys away when you have company.

 

[The Iron Koob]

So I'll just post my own story:

I had a girlfriend when I started collecting. I was collecting Bane, Catwoman, dx12, dx11, etc. Anyway, we didn't even talk prices but she made a big deal every time I got a figure and I was like "I'm only collecting a few more..." I didn't know I was lying but whatever. Anyway, she was NEVER on board with it and acted like what I was doing was stupid. Meanwhile, she spent hundreds on clothes and food every week. Anyway, it didn't work out for a lot of reasons.

I'm now with a girl I'm going to marry. She still gives me that look when a figure comes and she was complaining about space but that was it. Whenever she gives me some static, I always remind her that I pay all the bills (she got diagnosed with a heart condition this year and didn't work as much), I have always paid everything on time and I have some good savings and if I want to buy some figures I'm totally allowed to do that. She kind of admits defeat then. I display my figures and I told her when we get a house I wanted a room to display them and she agreed. Anyway, you have no obligation to stop spending your own money. As long as you're not breaking the bank buying figures then you should be allowed to do so. If she can't handle it, then politely move on. Trust me, you don't want to fight this battle the rest of your life. Find a girl who can deal with it. It's a strange hobby for sure. A lot of people don't get it

 

[Agentofchaos]

Don't change for anyone. And you're doing the right thing by waiting for her to reach out to you. When she does - simply make the next date and only bring this up if she brings it up as a concern. Stand up for yourself and tell her that you won't change for anyone. This is who you are. If she loves you - truly loves you - she will accept you as you are and be supportive of your hobbies and interests and things that make you happy. That is what everyone deserves and what you deserve.

 

[Jeff12burq]

My wife not only supports and shows interest in my hobby, she often buys me figures herself (she actually recently went through hell and high water to get my HT ASM2 box signed by Stan the man Lee himself). This is really my only hobby so she doesn't ever mind me buying a figure or two every so often. There are plenty of women that would be cool with their significant other being in this hobby. My wife is proof that there are plenty of understanding and approving women, not to mention the female collectors out there. You are very early in the relationship for her to be so worried about your financial situation unless you were not paying bills and your phone was getting shut off ( I am certain that is not the case). I guess what I am saying is everyone has a vice and yours isn't hurting anybody so it shouldn't be an issue. If she cares about you and trusts your judgment she'll let it go... If not maybe let her go otherwise next time it might be something else you enjoy that poses a problem ie. the car you drive or the clothes you like might be "too expensive".

That's awesome! She must be a keeper.

Thanks for the advice

 

[Jeff12burq]

When my wife found out how much is the price for the "iron man puppet" , she also freak out , but then after few figures coming she start enjoying as well ( thanks God !! ) along the way i tried to explained to her that this puppet is for me an art , back then in ancient time people collect statue from stone as art collection, now is instagram facebook twitty age .. this "doll" is art for me technology meet design mix with art (paint apply on them electronic they put inside it ) , they are "cheap" art compare the one in museum. finally my wife understood this and as long as i am not burden anyone with my hobby no one complain , hope you can get girl friends who understand or share the same interest of point of view with you Jeff .. wish you great relation with her in the future or with some one who understand our "freak" ...

Thanks so much. And I wish I would've gone deeper with it then and told her about how this really is art to me, rather than just trying to brush it by and try not to make it a big deal.

 

[Jeff12burq]

Well as pretty much everybody has said here, It's nice that she can see herself with you having a future together but due to her age, I don't think she's mature enough to see that life isn't all that simple and just because her parents got divorced, it doesn't mean that she'll follow the pattern (at least not consciously). Do call her up (although I have to admit that you did nothing wrong but lets face it, with most woman you'll have to initiate contact), and talk seriously about how you have control on your finances and most importantly what this means to you. NOBODY should be forced to change to meet somebody else's expectations. A relationship is about meeting halfway and cherishing the quirkiness of each other, not submitting to a stereotypical ideal of a 50's marriage with a white picket fence.

I got lucky and thankfully my girlfriend enjoys my collecting and its something we can talk about and enjoy together just as much as I enjoy sharing her hobbies too. If she can't see this well then, I would maybe let her pass and hopefully with time she might mature or you might find somebody else.

BTW, in my opinion her greatest fault wasn't being scared in the moment, but applying the stupid "silent treatment" for no legitimate reason. If she's that flaky for such a small issue boy does she have a lot coming to her in life.

And please don't ever mention this thread to her because she will probably ditch right there and then haha.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice man. I think I will call her tomorrow. But I do agree with you, she has no reason to apply the silent treatment!

 

[Jeff12burq]

Funniest thing I've read in months.

This sounds like a scene in a Judd Apatow movie.


Advice:

ON HER: she's way too serious after one month of real dating. What is she, 12? She must be hot is all.

ON YOU: But you my friend are going to get this a lot when you tell girls what you spend hundreds of dollars on, so get used to it... or put your toys away when you have company.

Completely agree. But I'm thinking her parents relationship must've had a huge impact on her and how she handles her relationships. So I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.

And thanks for the advice.

 

[Jeff12burq]

So I'll just post my own story:

I had a girlfriend when I started collecting. I was collecting Bane, Catwoman, dx12, dx11, etc. Anyway, we didn't even talk prices but she made a big deal every time I got a figure and I was like "I'm only collecting a few more..." I didn't know I was lying but whatever. Anyway, she was NEVER on board with it and acted like what I was doing was stupid. Meanwhile, she spent hundreds on clothes and food every week. Anyway, it didn't work out for a lot of reasons.

I'm now with a girl I'm going to marry. She still gives me that look when a figure comes and she was complaining about space but that was it. Whenever she gives me some static, I always remind her that I pay all the bills (she got diagnosed with a heart condition this year and didn't work as much), I have always paid everything on time and I have some good savings and if I want to buy some figures I'm totally allowed to do that. She kind of admits defeat then. I display my figures and I told her when we get a house I wanted a room to display them and she agreed. Anyway, you have no obligation to stop spending your own money. As long as you're not breaking the bank buying figures then you should be allowed to do so. If she can't handle it, then politely move on. Trust me, you don't want to fight this battle the rest of your life. Find a girl who can deal with it. It's a strange hobby for sure. A lot of people don't get it

Thanks for sharing man. Really appreciate it. Sounds like you two have learned to compromise, which isn't easy to do.

Has your collection expanded? Beyond Batman figures?

Thanks for advice.

 

[JorReno]

It's a strange hobby for sure. A lot of people don't get it

Honestly don't understand this. People act like we're collecting human skulls or something...
I mean, the 1/6 Predator comes with skulls... but... you know what I meant.

Maybe they saw Small Soldiers as a kid...

 

[YankeesFanboy]

All joking aside, this girl's, what, 22? She doesn't know what she wants. Take anything that she says about your "future together" with a huge grain of salt.

 

[hockeyflow33]

The worst part is you had her in the bedroom and couldn't seal the deal.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[yacobschlomo]

The worst part is you had her in the bedroom and couldn't seal the deal.

This is why you never keep the figures in the bedroom.

 

[hockeyflow33]

This is why you never keep the figures in the bedroom.

 

[Wor-Gar]

The worst part is you had her in the bedroom and couldn't seal the deal.

This is why you never keep the figures in the bedroom.

This is a key and often overlooked point.

 

[Veil1]

Sounds like it's time to roll her onto the curb, and then into the gutter, where hopefully she'll be mutated into a Ninja Turtle who will better empathize with your situation. Or worst case scenario, a C.H.U.D.

How on earth did you know how I met my Wife????

 

[Free]

I'm brand new to this hobby. 1 figure deep to be exact. I can see how the prices for these figures can totally blow someone away. Even I'm still shocked I purchased a figure! But everyone has interests and hobbies that make them unique. As long as you are being financially responsible then she has absolutely no right to question, let alone make you second guess something you love that brings you joy, regardless of how quirky the interest. 1 month in and already digging into finances? Major red flag to me.

Then again, maybe your collecting is a major red flag to her. There probably aren't too many females or males out there who envisioned 1 room in their future home dedicated to displaying toys, no matter how nice the headsculpts or paint apps are lol.

Communication. If it works it works. If not oh well. Plenty of great people in the world, doesn't mean they're all meant for eachother.

 

[skizzoid]

Here are my two cents (they look a lot like other people's):

We (or you?) don't know the full details of what happened with her parents fighting over money. It might be a very sensitive subject for her, and the sight of you spending hundreds of dollars on things that she sees as toys maybe raised some alarms (I remember the days when $50 was a lot of money to spend on something, so I can see where she might get coming from). Maybe that financial responsibility is something that's important to her, and it just came out earlier in the relationship than either of you had intended. It seems like an over-reaction on her part (to me, on the outside), but from her perspective, it may be a normal reaction. This obviously hit a sore spot for her, so there needs to be a dialogue to see if the two of you can move forward through it or if you have to go your separate ways (that's for the two of you to sort out, not us).

In my mind, a key part to maintaining a relationship (beyond attraction and common interests) is communication. So I'd suggest initiating contact with her again and opening up that dialogue about the subject. What is it specifically that bothers her about it? What would make her feel better about it? I'm not suggesting that you should go and sell your whole collection, but are there steps or information that you could provide that would make it seem like less of an irresponsible use of money to her? Both of you are at least entertaining the notion that this relationship could go somewhere meaningful, so I think it's worth discussing what each of your concerns are and how to address them (tell her all the stuff you wrote in that first post). Fights will inevitably happen, but I think that if you're open and honest with each other, you have a good chance at a relationship being strong moving forward. And if, after you talk about it, the two of you find that there is some difference that you can't bridge, then maybe it's a good thing that this came up as early as it did. Each of you will at least walk away with a stronger sense of who you are as well as what you are looking for in a partner.

That's just my (mostly untested) opinion though.

UPDATE And I just saw that Free hit some of the same points as me. Serves me right for writing a long post.