I Found the Cure to Obsessive Collecting
- Thread starter LChinoz
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Dude, all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. I'm just glad I'm not the only one posting threads about how love life can really take a hold of you! 
But seriously man, I totally can relate with you. When you've spent YEARS really only knowing ONE person, it's devastating (to say the least) when you lose that person. Although you haven't COMPLETELY lost that person yet, you are anticipating it and trying to prepare yourself for a HUGE life change. I've only read about 3 pages into the thread, but so far it sounds like you guys are being respectful to one another, and that's a great thing. If you guys a TRULY best friends, then this is a great thing for the both of you. I know this is going to sound really cliche, but this is a blessing in disguise. Your partner is going of to "grow" and experience the world, and this is the perfect chance for you to do the same! Find yourself, be productive, become successful. BE SOMEBODY! I totally know what it's like when you're with someone for so long, you just forget who you are! It's like you can't function without the other person.....
So, to be blatantly honest with you, this is going to be a very difficult time in your life (if it isn't already). Just buckle up, BUT MOST IMPORTANT, KNOW that things WILL get better. They WILL. One way or another, things will slowly but surely get better and you will look back and be happy again.
Just to give you an idea (if you didn't know already) I broke up with my GF of 4 years in February. As I posted here, I was going to propose to her and she was supposed to move out to LA with me this coming August. To sum it up for you, the topic of me possibly wanting to live out here came up and she didn't want to. I was upset, and she "suddenly" decided that she didn't want us anymore...... I spent months rattling my brain wondering how my "best friend" could just leave me high and dry, especially after all the plans we had. And how much I was sacrificing for her (starting selling off my collection). Well, when I returned home in May to confront her I discovered that she had been partying it up, making out with guys and had already jumped into another serious relationship with another guy. And to put salt on the wound, she just rubbed in my face how much better the new guy was and that I was just a terrible BF the entire time...... So YA. Be grateful that you're not in THAT situation!
Anyhow man, if you're curious to read about my story here's the link:
https://www.sideshowcollectors.com/forums/showthread.php?t=71550
Anyhow, best of luck to you man. So far it sounds like it's the initial shock (and trust me, I know it hurts). But it sounds to me that you have LOTS more to be grateful for, and that you have a pretty genuine relationship with each other (since she respects you). So just hang in there man. And feel free to contact me if you need to chat!
But seriously man, I totally can relate with you. When you've spent YEARS really only knowing ONE person, it's devastating (to say the least) when you lose that person. Although you haven't COMPLETELY lost that person yet, you are anticipating it and trying to prepare yourself for a HUGE life change. I've only read about 3 pages into the thread, but so far it sounds like you guys are being respectful to one another, and that's a great thing. If you guys a TRULY best friends, then this is a great thing for the both of you. I know this is going to sound really cliche, but this is a blessing in disguise. Your partner is going of to "grow" and experience the world, and this is the perfect chance for you to do the same! Find yourself, be productive, become successful. BE SOMEBODY! I totally know what it's like when you're with someone for so long, you just forget who you are! It's like you can't function without the other person.....
So, to be blatantly honest with you, this is going to be a very difficult time in your life (if it isn't already). Just buckle up, BUT MOST IMPORTANT, KNOW that things WILL get better. They WILL. One way or another, things will slowly but surely get better and you will look back and be happy again.
Just to give you an idea (if you didn't know already) I broke up with my GF of 4 years in February. As I posted here, I was going to propose to her and she was supposed to move out to LA with me this coming August. To sum it up for you, the topic of me possibly wanting to live out here came up and she didn't want to. I was upset, and she "suddenly" decided that she didn't want us anymore...... I spent months rattling my brain wondering how my "best friend" could just leave me high and dry, especially after all the plans we had. And how much I was sacrificing for her (starting selling off my collection). Well, when I returned home in May to confront her I discovered that she had been partying it up, making out with guys and had already jumped into another serious relationship with another guy. And to put salt on the wound, she just rubbed in my face how much better the new guy was and that I was just a terrible BF the entire time...... So YA. Be grateful that you're not in THAT situation!
Anyhow man, if you're curious to read about my story here's the link:
https://www.sideshowcollectors.com/forums/showthread.php?t=71550
Anyhow, best of luck to you man. So far it sounds like it's the initial shock (and trust me, I know it hurts). But it sounds to me that you have LOTS more to be grateful for, and that you have a pretty genuine relationship with each other (since she respects you). So just hang in there man. And feel free to contact me if you need to chat!
LChinoz
Super Freak
I appreciate your words man. I'm so sorry about your situation. Yeah, my ex gf and I are on very good terms, but I still get that pain in my stomach of knowing she will be gone, not forever, but that I will have to live without her support and move on. It is the "shock" you are referring to, for sure, as well as a bruised ego. For now we are trying to make the best friend thing work, and there are ups and downs, but I know we can do it.
If ever you need someone to talk to, I extend the same offer. Bro hug to ya.
If ever you need someone to talk to, I extend the same offer. Bro hug to ya.
Devil_666
Super Freak
JFK was hitting that. True story.
sparkstron73
Super Freak
Well I'm no agony uncle but I will say this.
I have gone through similar relationships and it's hard but you should make a clean break.
Whatever reason you are being freinds, it sounds very selfish on her part and it seems she is keeping you as a backup if she goes off and finds someone new (sounds like she has already imo and has'nt the heart to tell you)
Not trying to upset you and might be totally wrong but sounds very familiar to my first relationship.
Boy looking back I can see what a puppet I was and I was just afraid of being alone and did'nt really even like my first girlfreind that much.
Caught up with her recentley on facebook after about 15 years and she is a complete dunce lol can't beleive I was so easily pleased.
I have had a few relationships since not many but she hurt me alot and it took me a long long time to get back on the saddle and have learnt a little from each relationship but am still learning.
You are young and it sounds like you don't want to totally stop seeing her, but it is for the best, unless you can seperate your feelings for her as a freind, from her as a lover, or you will be always waiting for her to take you back.
Similar thing happened to me and when she dumped me for good it messed up my head even more.
Have more self respect and move on you will meet someone else and enjoy it.
I know it's easier for both of you to fall back into the old routine and its comfortable, but if one or both of you are unhappy, it will end eventually anyway.
Nothing lasts forever that is just fairytales my freind and people just get bored of each other, it happens.
Hope I've helped or at least give you a different point of view,all the best
.
I have gone through similar relationships and it's hard but you should make a clean break.
Whatever reason you are being freinds, it sounds very selfish on her part and it seems she is keeping you as a backup if she goes off and finds someone new (sounds like she has already imo and has'nt the heart to tell you)
Not trying to upset you and might be totally wrong but sounds very familiar to my first relationship.
Boy looking back I can see what a puppet I was and I was just afraid of being alone and did'nt really even like my first girlfreind that much.
Caught up with her recentley on facebook after about 15 years and she is a complete dunce lol can't beleive I was so easily pleased.
I have had a few relationships since not many but she hurt me alot and it took me a long long time to get back on the saddle and have learnt a little from each relationship but am still learning.
You are young and it sounds like you don't want to totally stop seeing her, but it is for the best, unless you can seperate your feelings for her as a freind, from her as a lover, or you will be always waiting for her to take you back.
Similar thing happened to me and when she dumped me for good it messed up my head even more.
Have more self respect and move on you will meet someone else and enjoy it.
I know it's easier for both of you to fall back into the old routine and its comfortable, but if one or both of you are unhappy, it will end eventually anyway.
Nothing lasts forever that is just fairytales my freind and people just get bored of each other, it happens.
Hope I've helped or at least give you a different point of view,all the best
.
villainsfan42
Super Freak
Deckard
Super Freak
And Oswald hit that. True story.
Cmon, don't be naive, everyone knows it was Eddie Blake.
Devil_666
Super Freak
C'mon, don't be naive, everyone knows it was Bigfoot.
GrueSam
The Queen of Darkness
LChinoz,
It's very cool that you're already gaining clarity on the situation and sorting out your true feelings. You will heal more quickly than you think! And remember, you are not alone. Very few of us have not had major heartaches and disappointments. Many of us have gone through divorce at ages greater than yours, which I do think is more difficult considering all of the ramifications.
But things happen for a reason and as far as I can tell, always for the best. Just you wait and see...
And I don't mean to bring up more drama, but I also feel the need to clarify...
But it's 9am on a Sat morning and it's nagging at me! LOL
Maglor-
OF COURSE I don't find that attractive!
OF COURSE, I am aware that any man who treats women the way Shai does is only covering up emotional pain and insecurities.
But the fact that you think that I endorse Shai's comments because I wrote this:
It's very cool that you're already gaining clarity on the situation and sorting out your true feelings. You will heal more quickly than you think! And remember, you are not alone. Very few of us have not had major heartaches and disappointments. Many of us have gone through divorce at ages greater than yours, which I do think is more difficult considering all of the ramifications.
But things happen for a reason and as far as I can tell, always for the best. Just you wait and see...
And I don't mean to bring up more drama, but I also feel the need to clarify...
I wasn't gonna respond to you only because you obviously didn't read what I wrote to IrishJedi regarding his response to Shai!
But it's 9am on a Sat morning and it's nagging at me! LOL
Maglor-
OF COURSE I don't find that attractive!
OF COURSE, I am aware that any man who treats women the way Shai does is only covering up emotional pain and insecurities.
But the fact that you think that I endorse Shai's comments because I wrote this:
is worriesome.
daikkenaurora
Super Freak
I want to see what's in that GrueSam's hole. 
316what
The Real Vic Mackey
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The best friends thing will last right up until the minute you hear her in the next room knocking boots with another dude.
Something Sexy
Super Freak
The best friends thing will last right up until the minute you hear her in the next room knocking boots with another dude.
Don't do it man, don't even bother being friends. Like others I want down that road a long time ago and NOTHING good ever comes of it.
GrueSam
The Queen of Darkness
The best friends thing will last right up until the minute you hear her in the next room knocking boots with another dude.
I want to see what's in that GrueSam's hole.
daikkenaurora
Super Freak
Bamboota
Super Freak
GrueSam
The Queen of Darkness
Hey LChinoz?
Another thing: It's very good that you are acknowledging your fear of change and have decided that, in spite of it, you are willing to do the right thing and allow the relationship to end.
I'm sure my husband loved me as much as he is/was capable of. But it was painful for me to realize that, really, he had asked me to marry him not because of it. But instead because he was afraid of change. He knew that we'd been together long enough that if we didn't marry it would end even though I never pressured him. And plus, he didn't want to move out of the apartment! Ouch!
So, I've said it before and I'll say it again: He never should've asked me to marry him and I should've never said Yes. But in my defense, he was as good at deceiving me as I was in denial!
But... the bottom line is that I feel he married me under false pretenses. And I will never live with a man again until there is a ring on my finger. Why? Because I want to make sure that a man *wants* to live with me, not because he's afraid of change.
Another thing: It's very good that you are acknowledging your fear of change and have decided that, in spite of it, you are willing to do the right thing and allow the relationship to end.
I'm sure my husband loved me as much as he is/was capable of. But it was painful for me to realize that, really, he had asked me to marry him not because of it. But instead because he was afraid of change. He knew that we'd been together long enough that if we didn't marry it would end even though I never pressured him. And plus, he didn't want to move out of the apartment! Ouch!
So, I've said it before and I'll say it again: He never should've asked me to marry him and I should've never said Yes. But in my defense, he was as good at deceiving me as I was in denial!
But... the bottom line is that I feel he married me under false pretenses. And I will never live with a man again until there is a ring on my finger. Why? Because I want to make sure that a man *wants* to live with me, not because he's afraid of change.
LChinoz
Super Freak
Update: Still sad, but feeling much better. She is cleaning my apartment right now. Last night I felt almost back to my old self, maybe even better than that. Having her around is helping, believe it or not. We watched Hot Tub Time Machine together. I know now we can still have fun. I look forward to the long weekend!
LChinoz
Super Freak
Hey LChinoz?
Another thing: It's very good that you are acknowledging your fear of change and have decided that, in spite of it, you are willing to do the right thing and allow the relationship to end.
I'm sure my husband loved me as much as he is/was capable of. But it was painful for me to realize that, really, he had asked me to marry him not because of it. But instead because he was afraid of change. He knew that we'd been together long enough that if we didn't marry it would end even though I never pressured him. And plus, he didn't want to move out of the apartment! Ouch!
So, I've said it before and I'll say it again: He never should've asked me to marry him and I should've never said Yes. But in my defense, he was as good at deceiving me as I was in denial!
But... the bottom line is that I feel he married me under false pretenses. And I will never live with a man again until there is a ring on my finger. Why? Because I want to make sure that a man *wants* to live with me, not because he's afraid of change.
I feel the same way. Change is scary, but God knows I need it. Whatever happens, I know this "change" would have had to happen. There is no way I can marry anyone until I (and she) feel I have fully lived life and am ready to settle down. I need to be young and grow, and when I am ready, I will marry.
wHySoSeRiOuS203
Super Freak
The best friends thing will last right up until the minute you hear her in the next room knocking boots with another dude.
sad but true
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