Can a guy marry his right hand in Provo, Utah?

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batfan08

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I've seen a lot of these threads popping up, recently, regarding pillows and Cougars, but I thought, "what's it like for traditionalists?" I mean, I've already taken my five fingered love glove around the block a few times, so, what's the harm in making it official? We're clearly committed to one and other, since it's literally a part of me, but, sometimes, I feel like there's no communication there. I've thought about learning morse code to improve our communication skills, but I think there might be more to it, than that.

I really want this relationship to work, because it's about as perfect as it gets. It cooks when I'm hungry, it cleans when things need tidying up, and it even does most of my work for me! How many guys can say that? I don't know. I really want this to be permanent, but it takes two, you know, and sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough on my end to support it. Ending it is also really complicated. I've had people tell me that I should just sever all ties and move on, but that's a difficult decision to make, and it would really, really hurt, too, you know?

We've been together for years, now; decades, even, so, I'm wondering if I should just talk to a relationship counselor. I thought that, maybe, a trial separation might help, but I just can't get along with my left hand. Everything's very clumsy, and I don't think it's very smart, since it can barely write a legible sentence. Have any of you guys out there struggled with stuff like this? How'd you make it work? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Regards,
-Jabroni
 
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