You guys are stupid. There are no zombies, stop arguing.
There were a few zombies I saw driving home one night, they ate a dude, picked him clean in only 2 hours (how do I know? I sat and watched the whole thing). The guy had a knife, and he kept stabbing them as long as he lived (he died about 37 minutes into the attack, or at least, that's when he stopped fighting... or was it just because they ate his fingers?)... anyway, they all had been stabbed many times, and most were missing a limb or two (still bloody, mind you), and they ate the guy, so they were definitely zombies. They didn't talk tho, they just went "Mrflgrh" and "Brfh" most of the time... or maybe they were just talking with their mouths full? Anyway, they finished the guy off and started chewing on his bones (like my dog Max used to, he got hit by a car and came home bleeding and missing 4 teeth and most of a leg. Took him to the vets and fixed him up tho. Fitted him with a prosthetic sort of stump like a pirate! Called him Captain Max from then on. Speaking of pirates, I saw an old lady with an eyepatch in the grocery store the other day. Some little kid asked her if she was a pirate and she said yes! I always wanted to have a kid, but don't have so much as a girlfriend anymore. One of my ex's was a coroner, she was interested in dead things and autopsies and such. Anyway, she would have declared these zombies dead) So anyway, the zombies finished and gave up chewing on the dudes bones and started coming for my car (it was a dark blue Toyota, had a miniature matchbox car just like it when I was 4. Oh yeah, and on my 4th birthday I got my first lego set. Or was it mega blocks? Speaking of blocks, at this point my house was only 2 blocks away) So they came for my car and I plowed through them but one of them got stuck on top and when I got home (at this point I was living in a nice white-painted 2 story house with no garage. My next house in Colorado had a nice garage in it though, could hold several large cars. Previous owner had a working condition Ford Model-T, had it street legalized and everything. Reminds of Harrison Ford. He was terrible in kingdom of the crystal skull. Really old now, just almost no longer cool. Oh yeah, and this was happening at night, so it was sort of chilly) So as I was saying, I had no garage and when I got home the zombie was on top of my car, so I ran in and he followed me in. I guess he was full cuz he didn't bite me just kind of sat down and stared at my TV. Think Star Trek was on. That was a great show, too bad it got cancelled. Just like Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles. Wonder if SS will ever do any figures from that? But back to what I was saying, the zombie sat there and I fed him some raw meat from my fridge, seemed to like it. Went to bed, found him the next morning sleeping on the kitchen floor. So I started feeding him from my late dog's bowl (Max remember? Died of old age.) and he never tried to hurt me. Then I just decided to name him Max cuz that's what it already said on the bowl. I decided to keep him, and have been able to teach him several tricks, he even learned his name! Sometimes he sleeps at the foot of my bed.
So anyway, other than that, there are no zombies.
