Anyone ever have to relocate because of their spouse?

Hey folks,
It's me again with another thread about "love life"...... But it's not really a sappy love story, so no worries

So, as some of you may know I've moved out to LA last month to attend Art School for Motion Graphics (my major was previously web design and new media, but this program here at school focuses a little more on motion, which I like! ) But since I've been here, it's been nothing but AMAZING things. I love the people (at my school at least) The environment is much more up my alley (as opposed to downtown San Fran ) The school is great, and has opened many doors for me already....... I know it's too early to tell, but ultimately I'd like to reside out here, as the industry seems good for what I want to do and I love the area so far....

HOWEVER, I've been doing long distance with my GF for over a year now (and we've been dating for over 4 years now). I was planning on proposing to her next month, as I have decided that I'd like to share my life with her..... But now that I've expressed my new found love for California and my desire to reside here, she unfortunately does not want the same.... Her main desires and ambitions are to stay close to relatives. Although she doesn't really have a career or big goals, she ultimately wants to stay in Florida and I DON'T as of right now.... So obviously we're butting heads BIG TIME right now, and we don't really see much use in continuing as a couple if my dreams and goals are to stay in California and her in Florida.....

So, have any of you come across this issue? I've been told my some folks to NEVER give up your dreams for someone, as you will resent them for the rest of your life..... Just curious to hear other people's experience on the matter

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

You need to break up with this girl once and for all, move on, don't look back and don't get all wrapped up in a relationship until you're out of college.

This girl is what is holding you back from growing into a "man". she represents your home town and your formitave/younger years. you had the courage to leave the safety of all that and go out on your own, but she obiviously lacks that ability to do that.

You keep asking for advise but fail in following it. (you've heard the saying?)..."if I only knew now what I knew then"? it's hard to do but, listen...

You know the situtation is F'd up, you knew it before and you know it now; but instead of breaking free you grabed hold of it even tighter and proposed...

It's time to cut the ties and move on. trust me... in a few years you will look back and say to yourself... "WTF was I thiking".

Do what you will......

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Dump her

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Long distance is never a good idea. Looking back is not too hot either. You never know, she might change her mind after you propose. Why should she leave Florida with an uncertain future with you. Proposing may show her the commitment you have in sharing your futures, rather than asking her to leave her family and friends behind, and not knowing for how long. If, after you propose, she still wants to stay at home, then there's nothing you can do. Best for everyone to go their own ways and see how things pan out.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Dump her

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I have to say dump her, as well man. These are your dreams, goals, and your career damnit. At this point in a relationship, one person usually has to follow the other. If you are the one doing well and moving along, it has to be her that follows, otherwise she's not the right one for you. Don't be held back. It will not be worth it in 10 years.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

If she wants to hold you back, she's not wife material.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Honestly, why are you still with this girl? Tell her you are not Burger King and she can't always have it her damn way.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Sorry, but I agree with everyone else. There are things you can compromise on, and things you can't. I personally have chosen not to date anyone who is afraid to move away from home for this reason. It's usually one of the first things I want to know about someone; do they want to travel, see the world, move somewhere fun and adventurous. So, anyway, I say break up with her.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

I agree with everyone else. Time to call it quits with her and move on with your life in California.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

ChrisCJ99 said:

So, have any of you come across this issue? I've been told my some folks to NEVER give up your dreams for someone, as you will resent them for the rest of your life..... Just curious to hear other people's experience on the matter

Click to expand...

The answer depends on how important the girl is to you. If your State of residence is more important to you than her, then maybe you're not ready to get married (or she's the wrong girl). The same goes for her ... but you asked the question.

The "never give up your dreams" stuff is a bunch of malarkey. Some dreams are meant to be reality -- some aren't. We all make our choices in life, and those choices often close one door in favor of another. The question is ... which door do you want to close? Do you want give up the girl for the State, or the State for the girl? No mature person (which ideally you should both be if you're marrying one another) would resent someone else for a choice YOU made. If you move to Florida, YOU'RE choosing to move to Flordia.

If you'd spend your entire marriage dwelling on California, you can't be the spouse you should be ... so let her go. Some here have said that she may not be wife material ... but if you're not willing to sacrifice some for her, you may not be husband material either. If she isn't your priority, then let her find someone who will make her his priority.

If she is your priority -- then go be with her (or finish school then go be with her, whatever works). There are graphic designers, etc. in Florida. Jobs don't make you happy -- but a good wife can.

SnakeDoc

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

ChrisCJ99 said:

Hey folks,
It's me again with another thread about "love life"...... But it's not really a sappy love story, so no worries

So, as some of you may know I've moved out to LA last month to attend Art School for Motion Graphics (my major was previously web design and new media, but this program here at school focuses a little more on motion, which I like! ) But since I've been here, it's been nothing but AMAZING things. I love the people (at my school at least) The environment is much more up my alley (as opposed to downtown San Fran ) The school is great, and has opened many doors for me already....... I know it's too early to tell, but ultimately I'd like to reside out here, as the industry seems good for what I want to do and I love the area so far....

HOWEVER, I've been doing long distance with my GF for over a year now (and we've been dating for over 4 years now). I was planning on proposing to her next month, as I have decided that I'd like to share my life with her..... But now that I've expressed my new found love for California and my desire to reside here, she unfortunately does not want the same.... Her main desires and ambitions are to stay close to relatives. Although she doesn't really have a career or big goals, she ultimately wants to stay in Florida and I DON'T as of right now.... So obviously we're butting heads BIG TIME right now, and we don't really see much use in continuing as a couple if my dreams and goals are to stay in California and her in Florida.....

So, have any of you come across this issue? I've been told my some folks to NEVER give up your dreams for someone, as you will resent them for the rest of your life..... Just curious to hear other people's experience on the matter

Click to expand...

This is the most important thing you said in your post and you've really answered your own question. It's really beneficial if you and the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with are headed in the same direction otherwise it makes things really difficult.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Well, I moved from New Mexico to Seattle to be with my long distance girlfriend. Its a little different since I was fine with leaving dry dusty NM after 27 years but for you if she wants to stay in Florida and you want to stay in CA its probably better to end it now because if one of you moves it will just make both of you misserable.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Take charge of your life. Both you and your girl have different priorities which is not the best way to maintain a lasting relationship let alone start a marriage.

Neither will be happy with the desired outcome; you in FL or her in CA. A reciepe for failure. Why waste more time and ruin both your lives because your afraid? Your coming to an internet forum asking stangers for advice therefore, the true fear is not losing her but for you to figure out. Be true to yourself and to yourself will you be true.

I apologize for lack of tact, I cannot think a better way to put it. Grow a set. You both will be happy you did.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Fritz said:

This is the most important thing you said in your post and you've really answered your own question. It's really beneficial if you and the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with are headed in the same direction otherwise it makes things really difficult.

Click to expand...

I agree. From my own experience, I have the good job, my wife doesn't. We live where I want to because I have the good job. Seriously its a never ending bicker, because her family lives in another state. Every vacation I go on is to see her family.

Of course I still "won" because like I said this is where the better job is.

ANYWAYS, you need to make sure whatever happens that one of you isn't left feeling resentful.

Personally, unless your girl can secure a career type job she doesn't have a leg to stand on, IMO. But also be prepared to endure the never ending complaints about not living where she wants to.



Looking back on it, I love my wife, but honestly I wish I had done just what Darkseed says.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

There are few things worse than regret, you need to follow your dream while you can.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

mr.thrifty said:

You need to break up with this girl once and for all, move on, don't look back and don't get all wrapped up in a relationship until you're out of college.

This girl is what is holding you back from growing into a "man". she represents your home town and your formitave/younger years. you had the courage to leave the safety of all that and go out on your own, but she obiviously lacks that ability to do that.

You keep asking for advise but fail in following it. (you've heard the saying?)..."if I only knew now what I knew then"? it's hard to do but, listen...

You know the situtation is F'd up, you knew it before and you know it now; but instead of breaking free you grabed hold of it even tighter and proposed...

It's time to cut the ties and move on. trust me... in a few years you will look back and say to yourself... "WTF was I thiking".

Do what you will......

Click to expand...

These are my exact words... Thrifty and I, eye to eye!

Word.... Write all this down

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

Don't compromise. Follow your dream. She should understand that if she loves you. And anyway, what's so bad about a long distance relationship? Better sex IMHO!

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

There is no point in me saying the same thing others have. Leave her. I guess there is no point in my posting it except tipping the scale some more.

Re: Anyone ever have to relocate becuase of their spouse?

jinxx said:

Don't compromise. Follow your dream. She should understand that if she loves you. And anyway, what's so bad about a long distance relationship? Better sex IMHO!

Click to expand...

I know can't wait til next Thursday word.