The Mike
In the Pixels
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By Zach Oat
Nowadays, it seems like every celebrity under the sun has an action figure. Corey Feldman just got one, and Cary Elwes has one on the way, and if that isn’t a sign of the apocalypse, I don’t know what is. (Granted, it’s for the long overdue The Princess Bride, but still…Cary Elwes!) But what about the toys that unintentionally resemble celebrities? In its early years, the Star Wars line suffered from a lot of terrible likenesses, and while we couldn’t find any that looked like Cary Elwes (although there were too many who looked like Corey Feldman to count), we did find ten figures that were the spitting images of actors they were absolutely, positively not intended to resemble.
10. Luke Skywalker / Brian Thompson
When Star Wars figures first came back in the 1990s, Kenner (for some bizarre reason) beefed up all of their characters to ridiculous proportions. So the scrawny farm boy played by Mark Hamill came out looking like the muscle-bound Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files, complete with overly defined facial muscles. Would Thompson have improved Star Wars? We doubt it. Would Mark Hamill have improved X-Files? Mark Hamill improves everything.
9. Han Solo / Josh Brolin
Apparently, Harrison Ford’s rugged good looks are hard to capture in three dimensions—that’s the only way to explain all the Han Solo and Indiana Jones figures that look like everybody in Hollywood except Ford. This particular figure is a little too long-faced for Han, but just right for Brolin, the star of No Country for Old Men. If only he were playing Indy in this year’s Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, rather than that Ford mummy.
8. Malakili / Denholm Elliott
There’s something about the sensitive eyes and tight mouth of Jabba the Hutt’s palace employee and rancor keeper Malakili that reminds us of Indiana Jones’ Marcus Brody, who got lost in his own museum once. The Nazis never would have caught him if he’d had a trap door and a Rancor monster.
7. Mon Mothma / Laura Bush
As the leader of the Rebellion, Mon Mothma was one of the first to recognize the sheer evil of Emperor Palpatine, as he subjugated outlying planets to his will and undermined the power of the Senate. Similarly, as the wife of President Bush, Laura oversaw the destruction of Alderaan and personally struck down four highly trained Jedi.
6. Slave Leia / Christian Bale
A mannish Princess Leia action figure? Say it ain’t so! To be fair, Carrie Fisher was not the daintiest of leading ladies, and Christian Bale is not the most rugged of leading men, so the fact that their action figures would kind of look alike isn’t so surprising. The fact that we’ve seen Bale naked and not Fisher? Not so much surprising as gravely disappointing.
Some of these I see, some not but I thought it might be interesting to throw this into our Star Wars forum with such dedicated fans......