I Found the Cure to Obsessive Collecting

Get dumped. I just was, by my gf of 5 years. Suddenly she feels she no longer has feelings for me, like we're already married and lost the romantic spark. Long story short we still see each other every day and live together/sleep in the same bed, just no hanky panky. We are best friends and I cannot live without her in my life. Honestly, things aren't really that different than they were when we were a couple, except I break down every once and a while when we're watching TV because I remember a happy memory or something. Anyway, I have been so depressed over this I have felt no need to collect or buy anything. I know this may "fade" but seeing as I am going to live with my ex gf until she leaves for Graduate school in September, I know the depression will not go away. I am kind of happy and sad at the same time because I know I need to save money and this will help, but it still sucks. It's like a part of me is gone. I'm 25 BTW, so I know I am still young but my ex is the only friend I really have. Anyway this may take me out the the hobby for good.

You ARE married and didn't realize it until now. Congratulations.

Get the hell away from her, because when she meets someone new, its gonna suck bad for you.

Just get away from her man, your clearly not in a place to be friends.

ProgMatinee said:

You ARE married and didn't realize it until now. Congratulations.

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I told her that married couples lose the spark too, especially since we have been together for 5 years. Everyone is saying it's normal, but it's not what she wants. She wants to live life and not be tied down by me. She basically said we both need to grow and that's why we won't work. I guess it will be easier once she leaves for Graduate school but I have seen this person every day for 5 years, and will continue to do so until the end of August. I love her so much. Of course, I also am aware that I am not as attracted to her as I once was, because the "Cloud 9" feeling has faded away, and this is probably for the best, but it still hurts like hell.

Deckard said:

Get the hell away from her, because when she meets someone new, its gonna suck bad for you.

Just get away from her man, your clearly not in a place to be friends.

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my brother has a very similiar problem. Best thing to do is just get away from her

Deckard said:

Get the hell away from her, because when she meets someone new, its gonna suck bad for you.

Just get away from her man, your clearly not in a place to be friends.

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It's not about meeting someone new for her. She said I am still the only man she wants to touch her. She doesn't want to start dating again for two years. The truth is, she is my best friend. She texted me today saying how wonderful I am and that she loves me and will always love me. I cannot live my life without her. I told my other closest friend that he would have to be co-best man with my ex gf (if I don't marry her), because she is that important to me. It is hard to explain, but the no contact thing is just not possible for either of us. On top of that, everyone we know understands why we broke up but also are not surprised we are still living together. I dunno.

This is sounding EXACTLY like my brother...well except for the cheating and having a baby...which I take care of

Wow, I can't imagine being in your position. You have my sincear sympathy.

ProgMatinee said:

You ARE married and didn't realize it until now. Congratulations.

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Actually Prog has a point here...

LChinoz said:

I told her that married couples lose the spark too, especially since we have been together for 5 years. Everyone is saying it's normal, but it's not what she wants. She wants to live life and not be tied down by me. She basically said we both need to grow and that's why we won't work. I guess it will be easier once she leaves for Graduate school but I have seen this person every day for 5 years, and will continue to do so until the end of August. I love her so much. Of course, I also am aware that I am not as attracted to her as I once was, because the "Cloud 9" feeling has faded away, and this is probably for the best, but it still hurts like hell.

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This is normal. and has nothing to do with falling out of love.

The cloud 9 feeling is meant to fade. If we felt that way all the time we'd never leave the house. That is a very superficial kind of love. The love that matters is deeper and harder to put your finger on.

Dude...that sucks...
But if you don't mind me asking, why are you guys still together?
Is is because of bills and stuff?

Honestly you guys are hurting each other even more by still living in the same place...

LChinoz said:

I told her that married couples lose the spark too, especially since we have been together for 5 years. Everyone is saying it's normal, but it's not what she wants. She wants to live life and not be tied down by me. She basically said we both need to grow and that's why we won't work. I guess it will be easier once she leaves for Graduate school but I have seen this person every day for 5 years, and will continue to do so until the end of August. I love her so much. Of course, I also am aware that I am not as attracted to her as I once was, because the "Cloud 9" feeling has faded away, and this is probably for the best, but it still hurts like hell.

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best thing to do is get back on the horse & start dating...ASAP

LChinoz said:

It's not about meeting someone new for her. She said I am still the only man she wants to touch her. She doesn't want to start dating again for two years. The truth is, she is my best friend. She texted me today saying how wonderful I am and that she loves me and will always love me. I cannot live my life without her. I told my other closest friend that he would have to be co-best man with my ex gf (if I don't marry her), because she is that important to me. It is hard to explain, but the no contact thing is just not possible for either of us. On top of that, everyone we know understands why we broke up but also are not surprised we are still living together. I dunno.

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Wow, You are breaking my heart.

And I mean that without any sense of irony or sarcasm.

The honeymoon is over. I'm willing to bet like 25% of marriages are pretty much sexless. Thats why there are so many divorces and porn.

Maglor said:

The cloud 9 feeling is meant to fade. If we felt that way all the time we'd never leave the house. That is a very superficial kind of love. The love that matters is deeper and harder to put your finger on.

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I understand that, and I tried to tell her this as well. I always felt we would end up together. She has not ruled out us getting married someday, or getting the feelings she lost back, so I guess I just have to live my life and she what happens. Also the both of us have not really grown in the past 5 years of being together. She loves to travel, and I have a fear of flying thud, she loves the beach and I don't ever want to go to the beach. At the same time, I will never connect with anyone the way I do with her. I know I could find a better romantic match for me, but emotionally, she is the best person I could ever meet. It sounds cliche but it's the absolute truth. We have our own language, and the love we have for each other is so deep. It just sucks that I know she doesn't have those "feelings" for me anymore.

Kuzeh said:

Dude...that sucks...
But if you don't mind me asking, why are you guys still together?
Is is because of bills and stuff?

Honestly you guys are hurting each other even more by still living in the same place...

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Well she is leaving in two months anyway and we still want to live with each other. I dunno, we still cuddle every night and stuff, just no kissing. Of course her finding a new place to live will cost money but my mom offered to let her stay with her because "she is like family." She really is, everyone in my family loves her deerly. I guess the best way to put it is the transition from relationship to friends really isn't that big when it comes to our relationship. One of the first things she said to me the day after we broke up was "we can still play Red Dead together and watch True Blood!" So far, we are living exactly like we were before, minus the physical stuff, and it doesn't feel weird or anything. In a weird way it feels like it's helping me get through it.

ProgMatinee said:

The honeymoon is over. I'm willing to bet like 25% of marriages are pretty much sexless. Thats why there are so many divorces and porn.

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I know that, but my ex gf is a romantic (and it takes a lot of effort from me to be romantic). She is convinced that she has to see what else it out there for fear of "settling." I do not disagree.

Bro, that sucks. Best thing, get a new girl..

LChinoz said:

She loves to travel, and I have a fear of flying thud, she loves the beach and I don't ever want to go to the beach.

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The "fear of flying" thing we can work with.

LChinoz said:

I know that, but my ex gf is a romantic (and it takes a lot of effort from me to be romantic). She is convinced that she has to see what else it out there for fear of "settling." I do not disagree.

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A guy who will "cuddle" in bed is more romantic than a lot of guys imo.

Maglor said:

The "fear of flying" thing we can work with.

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Yea I told you why flying freaks me out, the panic attack and stuff. It sucks. I was supposed to stay with her and her folks for two weeks during Christmas of 2008, bought the tickets, and ended up wasting them because I was so freaked out to fly alone. I just stayed home and never visited. I don't know if she ever really forgave me for that one.

Maglor said:

A guy who will "cuddle" in bed is more romantic than a lot of guys imo.

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To her cuddling is a comfort thing and not a romantic thing. She wants to be swept off her feet and I never really did that in the 5 years I guess. I definitely took her for granted.