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View Full Version : GI Joe : Risoe of cobra. An honest Review from the Perspective of a "fanboy"



lerath666
08-07-2009, 04:03 PM
Spoiler Alert: There be spoilers ahead. Ye have been warned.
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So, I just got back from watching the film we've all been decrying for the past Year or so. And I've got mixed feelings about it. On one hand, parts were very good, on the other, parts were bad. So here's a breakdown.

First: the Bad
The baroness. Her history feels poorly written. She's the Ex-fiencee of duke who feel into depression when duke "lets" her brother die in combat. Her brother, however does not die, instead he and doctor mindbender escape the conflict, and Doctor mindbender teaches him everything he knows about nano machines. Her brother then kidnaps her, and uses nanomachines to make her "go bad". In addition, she is Married to the Baron DeCobray who appearently lives in Paris.

The one-liners:
The cheasy one-liners are few and far between, making reverence to the toys here and there. they are silly, , and intended to be so, but instead come across cringe-worthy, and more than a little silly. In addition, you can tell the actors have trouble delivering the lines.

The action:
Reviewers are not kidding when they said the film was action-packed. IMO it's a little TOO action packed. Every BAttle FEELS like it's the Climatic battle at the end of the film. Even those at the very begenning

"borrowed ideas"
The movie, at points feels like it's trying to be Transfoermers, Transformers revenge of the fallen, Mission impossible, and Iron Man, all at varying points, and in some cases feels like the director used a copy of each film as a storyboard.
Speakin of Revenge of the fallen, the interaction between Duke and ripchord Made me think of Mudflap and skids from ROTF 90% of the time. This is also a BAD thing.

The costumes.
The Black leather bodysuits with silver "plastyicky" armor would look more athome on someone racing Dirtbikes than a " Elite, highly-trained special mission force". It is worth mentioning that the "kids pajama Fatigues" don't look that bad however.


Now hat that's out of the way.

The good.

The story :
Desipte earlier decries, the Core IDEA and the main story itself, Bad puns, and one-liners aside, is actualy Very good, and true to the source material. I have no problem beleiving the Nanomachine Plot would fit just fine into the Established Hamma comics, the 80's cartoon, or even the new comic being currently published By IDW. I've got to give them that one. Good job.

Zartan
He's only on the screen/ in the movie minimaly, and even with the starnge actor choice, this guy was great. Happily whisteling "the bear goes over the mountian" as he kills people and takes their clothing, fading into the background. He allmost stole the show for me, and even Eventualy ends up with the ability to alter his eyecolor, hair color, skin pigments, AND FACIAL BONE STRUCTURE to lok like anyone he wants thanks to the doctors Nanomachines.
Zartan REALLY made the show for me.

The effects:
While in somecases REALLY overdone, and over used, they were, for the most part REALY REALLY well done.


Overall the movie felt like a See-saw. Going from high point, to low point, to high point, back and forth. It was, QUITE entertaining. Every time i started to consider walking out, something that made me want to stay appeared on-screen.

2.5-3 stars at best. Not a summer blockbuster, but not the worst movie ever made either.

Hew
08-07-2009, 04:04 PM
Where's the rest of your review? I would like to see some more.

Shai
08-07-2009, 04:06 PM
Shortest movie review I've ever read.

DarthNeil
08-07-2009, 04:13 PM
Brevity is the soul of wit.

:rotfl

I'm going to watch it in about half an hour (and not pay a cent :monkey3 ). I'll post my thoughts forthwith--

lerath666
08-07-2009, 04:23 PM
beleive it or not, that was NOT intentional.
I hit the wrong keystroke, and posted early. the FULL review is now posted.

Nuka Cola Kidd
08-07-2009, 04:30 PM
I enjoyed it. Although some parts were bad, over all it wasnt as bad as most people on here are making it out to be without seeing it, which is odd imo.


1.Cobra commander and his clear helmet = gay. (shoulda went with the hood)
2.The highy technological surroundings was a stretch.
3. If snake eyes does talk why give him a freaking mouth???
4.Who was the person who came into the presidential bunker (behind the wall) if Zartan was the guy who shot them all the guards, or was that guy just hired help?

I liked everything else the Accelerator suits were cool, and the Barrenness is drop dead gorgeous.

Not a horrible movie as you all claim.

lerath666
08-07-2009, 04:35 PM
I enjoyed it. Although some parts were bad, over all it wasnt as bad as most people on here are making it out to be without seeing it, which is odd imo.


1.Cobra commander and his clear helmet = gay. (shoulda went with the hood)
2.The highy technological surroundings was a stretch.
3. If snake eyes does talk why give him a freaking mouth???
4.Who was the person who came into the presidential bunker (behind the wall) if Zartan was the guy who shot them all the guards, or was that guy just hired help?

I liked everything else the Accelerator suits were cool, and the Barrenness is drop dead gorgeous.

Not a horrible movie as you all claim.



1. A chromed featureless mask would have also worked
2. Originaly, the Cobra technology was reverse engineered, Stolen and/or recovered Cybertronian technology, as a tie-in the The transformers movies. This idea has been used here and there in the comics as well. Just pretend that's still the case. and Hell, it still COULD be, they did not say either way where Mars was getting it.
3. originaly he had lines, Hamma Stopped this, but the costume had already been designed/made
4. Zartan was the president. the guy who shot everyone just kinda looked like him a bit.

Nuka Cola Kidd
08-07-2009, 04:39 PM
1. A chromed featureless mask would have also worked
2. Originaly, the Cobra technology was reverse engineered, Stolen and/or recovered Cybertronian technology, as a tie-in the The transformers movies. This idea has been used here and there in the comics as well. Just pretend that's still the case. and Hell, it still COULD be, they did not say either way where Mars was getting it.
3. originaly he had lines, Hamma Stopped this, but the costume had already been designed/made
4. Zartan was the president. the guy who shot everyone just kinda looked like him a bit.


ok who then was the guy who came out from behind the wall in the presidents bunker?? they only showed him from the waste down.


Oh and i forgot to add i loved how the film was edited together. It had some awesome transitions.

CelticPredator
08-07-2009, 04:43 PM
Sommers is a great transitioner...heh.

Shai
08-07-2009, 05:06 PM
Thanks for your review..I aint going to see it in theatre for sure, but its cool to know that Zartan was a bad ass in the movie.

jye4ever
08-07-2009, 05:07 PM
Ummmm, I loved it.....

Fun with lots of awesome action set pieces.

FUN!

Is that a freaking crime....for a movie to be FUN. :lol

lerath666
08-07-2009, 05:12 PM
ok who then was the guy who came out from behind the wall in the presidents bunker?? they only showed him from the waste down.


Oh and i forgot to add i loved how the film was edited together. It had some awesome transitions.


That was zartan.

jye4ever
08-07-2009, 05:16 PM
Whomever mentioned awesome transitions, they're correct. There were some sick slick editing on display there, I won't ruin them for anyone.

In all seriousness, The Marvel movies need some of that dynamic energy on display in this movie.

DarthNeil
08-07-2009, 07:29 PM
Thanks for your review..I aint going to see it in theatre for sure, but its cool to know that Zartan was a bad ass in the movie.

Just finished it... Zartan is the best part no doubt-- more in depth thoughts later.

Deeznutz6
08-07-2009, 08:57 PM
Do they refer to him by name?

Nuka Cola Kidd
08-07-2009, 09:00 PM
Do they refer to him by name?

Who Zartan? If so then yes.

Gruson
08-07-2009, 09:42 PM
I saw it and LOVED it! This was so much better than TF2!

Big surprise how great it was....from beginning to the end. Some nice surprises too.

A couple of minor issues though.

The biggest was I wish they would have used the old school Cobra soliders and the end should have had the real mask or hood for Cobra Commander....

More later.

P1X4R
08-07-2009, 10:00 PM
i just came back from watching it. i had very low expectations but i actually loved it too. there were a few scenes that could have been left out but overall it was a good movie.

what the heck is up with Destro's accent?!

iron.jedi83
08-07-2009, 10:15 PM
just came back from watching it...overall very well done, good story and the flashbacks that tells the backstory didnt feel out of place, good pacing throughout and it really did not feel like a two hour long movie. the only thing i didnt like because i thought it was very distracting was the lips on Snake Eyes...everytime there was a close-up of him i found myself looking at them since they were so hideous (like when you slow down to watch a car crash)


oh and The Baroness :monkey5:drool

lerath666
08-07-2009, 10:16 PM
i just came back from watching it. i had very low expectations but i actually loved it too. there were a few scenes that could have been left out but overall it was a good movie.

what the heck is up with Destro's accent?!


In the Comics, and the Cartoon, Destro Has ALWAYS been a Scottish Arms dealer. He's just not usually depicted as having the accent.

The Actor who played him, Christopher Eccelson, Is ACTUALLY SCOTTISH.

I do think, however, that he intentionally overdid his accent, Just a smidge. :lol

jye4ever
08-07-2009, 10:23 PM
I don't know which I liked better, his accent, SE's mouth or her high heels!!

Who the ^^^^ am I kidding.....

Those black heels pwned them all!

The entire movie could've been about her heels and I would've still freaking loved it :lol

Crap, I now like GI JOE Porn!